Unspeakable, or Hallowed?
I attending a missionary prep class with my son in which the topic was
how missionaries should teach the law of chastity.
I took the time to note the feelings, emotions and energies
exchanged in the room as we discussed teaching investigators about sex outside
of marriage, profane erotica, and the procreation of children.
As soon as these topics were mentioned, there was a strong
feeling, emotionally and spiritually, that swept through the room. A feeling I
knew all to well from my youth.
I, and I’m sure many others who have felt this feeling,
could easily interpret that feeling as “I may be doing something wrong and I’d
better shut my mouth.”
I know there are many parents who feel this way when it
comes to talking to their children about sex and sexual matters. Sometimes,
spouses feel this even with each other.
What I’ve come to realize is that the feeling we are
experiencing is not a warning that we are doing something wrong, but
rather a prompting that we are treading on holy ground and it’s time to take
off the proverbial shoes.[i]
As we would be entering into a discussion about a sacred topic, it would be
appropriate to remove the shoes of worldly, lustful, or irreverent thought and language.
The World Has a Sense of This, But May Struggle to Accept
So why then do members of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-Day Saints consider the use of the powers of procreation to be so sacred
and holy when the rest of the world seems to regard it so easily as
meaning…..nothing?
The answer is, they really don’t. Very few are immune from
those same promptings.
A few years ago I was having a discussion with a co-worker about
the Church. He was not religious. In fact, he was vocally pretty anti-religion,
and talked about how comfortable he was drinking his alcohol and living his
lifestyle choices.
Then he related to me a story about a trip he took to Las Vegas. He told me
that he and his friends always go to the late night adult shows, and that every
time he did, he always left feeling dark, dirty, and gross.
If that feeling of defiling the sacred is only something we’re
brainwashed into as Latter-Day Saints, then why would a non-member, who has
made no covenants and didn’t intend to, feel a similar prompting in a place
that openly profanes the procreative powers?
In my studies about human sexuality in our culture, one
thing that I’ve observed is that there are many groups of people who engage in ‘swinging’
or other forms of adultery and fornication. What I’ve also observed is that
many of these people take special classes, and go to special camps to help them
learn how to “overcome their inhibitions” so they can feel ‘more free’ about engaging
in these activities.
If sexuality is not sacred and those feelings of guilt and/or shame are only experienced by LDS members, then why do those who reject any religion,
or never attended any religion feel a need to pay hundreds and even thousands
of dollars to take courses to help them overcome their inhibitions about their
body and sexuality in order to feel ok about engaging in profane activities? Something that the
teachers of those courses say should come freely and naturally?
The answer is that the Spirit of Christ, given to every man,
tells us those procreative powers are sacred. We can ignore or disregard or push
past that feeling, but that sense of the sacred is nevertheless still there.[ii]
What is Sacred? What is Profane?
To illustrate just how sacred it is, we members of the
church are taught that the Lord considers the use of those procreative powers
to be so sacred, he restricts us from using them until we have entered into the
covenants reserved for the highest ordinance in the temple…the covenant of
marriage.[iii]
The powers of procreation are that sacred to us. That means
that our bodies are that sacred too.
This means that the visual portrayals, whether on stage,
television, or film, of the use of these procreative powers are often a
profaning (defiling) of something we hold sacred.
This means that open disrespectful and lustful displays of the human
body are a defiling of something we hold so very sacred.
This also means that writing or speaking that discusses or makes
light about the use of our bodies and or procreative powers (in an irreverent
manner) is a defiling of what we should reverence as so very sacred.
Conversely, we can profane the sacred by avoiding or
neglecting the powers of procreation for what they were intended to be used
for…a sin of omission, if you will.
Rejoicing in (Not Ignoring) the Sacred
There are many who have taken that first feeling, that I
discussed earlier, to be just that. Something, that if we come across,
we should just avoid and keep our mouth shut about, or quickly change the subject. Some will take this belief
even into their marriages.
I believe this is because they may not have been given the example of
how to speak of sexuality in a reverent manner. It is indeed something that has to be
learned.
To illustrate, imagine you and your spouse receive your
temple recommends. You personally look forward to attending the temple as often
as you can. You enjoy the sweet peaceful spirit that is there. You enjoy serving,
listening and learning from the instruction that is taught there. You look
forward to sitting in the celestial room, so you can feel the calm peace and
obtain knowledge that only the Holy Ghost can teach you there. It’s a very precious
and sacred time for you.
Now imagine your spouse telling you “I need to get my temple
recommend, but I will never attend ‘that place. It is far too
sacred for me to even talk about. I went through my first time, but I just
plugged my ears during the session because the things taught there are far too
sacred, and when we went into the celestial room I quickly hurried myself out
because it was far too sacred a place to even look at. I find it obscene
to hear others talk about how they love to discuss with each other in the temple
the things they’ve learned.”
Sound ridiculous? Yet you may be surprised to learn that
there are many who feel that very same way about the sacred sexual relationship with
their spouse. By neglecting the use of that procreative power as valuable tools
to not only create children, but to build a relationship with our spouse, we
are neglecting that sacred gift out of a mistaken assumption that it’s ‘too
sacred to discuss under any circumstances.’
Just like when we’re worthy to attend the temple, in the
bonds of marriage we are free to bask in the joy that our procreative powers
give us. We are free to discuss and learn with our spouse about the use of
those procreative powers.
Just like the temple, we defile those procreative powers
when we discuss with others who will not treat the sexuality of our marriage
with reverence and respect. It would be the equivalent of casting our pearls
before swine. They will take something precious and trample it in the mud under
their feet by looking for ways to stir their own lust or to find a way to mock or make a joke of it. We should always use wisdom and caution when deciding where and
with whom you enter into a discussion about sexuality – especially your own.
Look to the Temple
I believe the temple is our best model when wondering how to
discuss or learn about sexual things. Look to the temple. Remember how we learn
to reverence it. Let this be your guide in matters of sexuality as well.[iv]
When we teach others about chastity, including our children,
a better thing we can do than focus on “sex outside of marriage”, “what exactly
counts as 'pornography'”, and “the scriptural evidences of masturbation” is to help
them understand the difference between what is sacred and what is profane. I
believe this can have a much more profound ability to guide them in their
choices than to just focus on the “thou shalt not’s" of the law of chastity.
Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints know
they should only exercise and use our procreative powers in marriage. We do
this because we believe that power is a sacred trust. We keep it sacred by
regularly using it to nurture our marriage relationship and build our eternal
families. Telling people only what they shouldn’t do invites ‘why’ questions
that can easily be satisfied by teaching and exemplifying the concepts of what
is sacred and what is profane.[v]
[i]
Exodus 3:5
[ii]
Packer, Boyd K., The Light Of Christ, Apr. 2005 Gen. Conf., https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/ensign/2005/04/the-light-of-christ?lang=eng
[iii]
Packer, Boyd K. Things of the Soul, 105–17
[iv]
Preparing to Enter the Holy
Temple, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/manual/preparing-to-enter-the-holy-temple/preparing-to-enter-the-holy-temple?lang=eng
[v]
Lev. 10: 10-11
