WARNING: This post contains a
topic of a sacred sexual nature and is intended for married couples only.
Reader discretion is advised.
If you missed part [1] , [2], [3], [4], or [5] you can go back to any of them here.
Secrets and
Selfishness
This is our continuing discussion
concerning President Kimball's thoughts on 'secret sexual sins in marriage', as
he wrote about in The Miracle of Forgiveness.
So far, we've discussed
what some of those 'secret sexual sins' might be - what could be a sexual sin
inside of marriage? It's an intriguing question, and some of my thoughts on
what these might be have been addressed in the previous articles linked above.
Some further thoughts I
have are regarding...
The last scripture used
in this section of The Miracle of Forgiveness directly referenced with
the phrase ‘secret sexual sins’ was a scripture directed to Emma Smith, as the
Lord was introducing the practice of plural marriage to Joseph and Emma:
"And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God." (D&C 132:52.)
To give some context to
what is happening here in this scripture, the Lord was encouraging Emma to
accept those who were being given to Joseph as plural wives. The Lord was
giving an added protection to her (since she was in the more vulnerable
position of the two) that if any of the new wives lied about their worthiness
to enter into this marriage, the Lord would destroy them. In case any are still
confused, by ‘virtuous and pure’, the Lord meant sexual purity.
If any of the women who
had agreed to be sealed to Joseph had been involved in immoral sexual activity,
and then told Joseph they were clean and worthy, they would be in hot water
with God. The protection for Emma was that promiscuity ran the risk of
spreading sexually transmitted diseases as well as creating other psychological
and relationship issues.
Syphilis and other
sexually transmitted diseases were around during Joseph Smith’s time and often incapacitating
or deadly.[i]
The church was small, but it was growing.
The people coming into the church were from all walks of life, and their
background and family history was not always known to the local members. Where
the women were concerned, previous involvement in prostitution was a very real
possibility. So this was a clear protection provided for Emma and the sacrifice
she was making to be obedient to the Lord.
So what does that have
to do with us today, in our marriages?
Lying about or failing
to disclose information about previous sexual transgressions to a potential
spouse could be considered one of the “secret sexual sins” President Kimball
was referring to, based on the context of this scripture. Engaging in immoral
behavior after marriage and trying to hide it from a spouse could also count as
a secret sexual sin.
As the scripture
suggests, this is especially serious if a couple are entering into a sealing
covenant in the temple and one or both enter into the covenant and have
unrepented sexual sins.
Not only could this
lead to an invalid sealing covenant, but it’s also selfish by not disclosing
sexual transgressions that could potentially harm the new husband or wife, or
not give them the opportunity to make an informed decision on their marriage
based on knowing the whole situation.
If we carry unrepentant
sin into the temple, and into our marriages, it can destroy us.[ii]
If we try to keep sexual secrets from our spouses after marriage, the wedge it
drives between you is not worth the effort to keep the secret.[iii]
Being unworthy
ourselves denies promised eternal blessings to both spouses. We should repent
quickly to free ourselves from such burdens.
There are no acceptable
secrets in a marriage – at least, there shouldn’t be. The health of any given
marriage relationship often correlates with how open a couple can be with each
other (with kindness and respect) in every area of life, including sex.[iv]
[i]
For some historical background on this issues, see Jackson, April L. The
History of Prostitution Reform in the United States. Thesis. University of Tennessee
Knoxville. May
2004: http://trace.tennessee.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1754&context=utk_chanhonoproj
[ii]1
Corinthians 3:17; also see Packer, Boyd K. ”Ye Are the Temple of God”, October 2000 General
Conference, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/general-conference/2000/10/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng
[iii]
Monson, Thomas, “Hidden Wedges”, April 2002 Conference: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/general-conference/2002/04/hidden-wedges?lang=eng
[iv]
See my article on secrets in a marriage, and how it can be a killer to a
relationship: http://eternalmarriagebed.blogspot.com/2011/06/four-marriage-killers-secrets.html
