Don’t Go Outside the Marriage
It’s important to remember that books written by General
Authorities are not part of our doctrinal canon, but simply helpful life advice
for their time. “The Miracle of Forgiveness” is a classic book that’s often
quoted in our LDS culture as if it were scripture, mostly because there are so
few books that refer to sexuality that are written by such an authoritative
figure and in such detail.
However, while I would whole heartedly recommend The Miracle of Forgiveness, the Saints today must examine it carefully and
recognize that not all perspectives are timeless. Such as parables and metaphors
used in teaching that were relevant to a culture heavily dependent on horses for transportation
or prevention practices important to a culture without modern day immunizations - such as polio.
So to understand requires digging a little deeper into the individuals personal background.
We see that this quote that involves the phrase ‘secret
sexual sins’ is located in his chapter about sins against the law of chastity.
The section before this one references the sin of adultery.
In this particular section called ‘Love in Marriage’, he
addresses those who are already married, beginning with a scripture that is an
important key to understanding his meaning. He says that married couples who
strictly keep this law will avoid adultery:
“Thou shalt love thy wife [husband] with all thy
heart, and shalt cleave unto her [him] and none else. (D&C 42:22, italics
added)
The italics added were Elder Kimball’s doing – and why was
that?
A ‘secret sexual sin’ in marriage begins with the thought of
adultery, not the action. It begins with a spicy new TV show or movie, or an erotic
romance novel, or the co-worker who
likes a little ‘harmless’ flirting, or the free profane erotic site that pops
up one day in an Internet search that we view out of curiosity.
When we begin to mentally and visually wander outside our
marriage sexually, we are engaging in ‘secret sexual sins’. The emotional
online affair with someone who’s ‘just a friend’ is a secret sexual sin. The
occasional lunch alone with a co-worker, a car ride, or the sharing of a hotel
room with a member of the opposite sex at a convention to save money, can be a
‘secret sexual sin’, if for no other reason than for what it looks like to
others. (Avoid the appearance of evil – 1 Thessalonians 5:22)
An addiction to profane erotica is a sin, and hiding this
addiction from our spouse definitely qualifies as ‘secret sexual sins’[i].
This is one example where, just because you’re married doesn’t mean we can do just
anything we want sexually.
Watching profane erotica together to get turned on to make
love is bringing a third party into our relationship. A party not part of our
marriage covenant. In addition, it financially supports the profane erotica industry. The General
Authorities have told us to avoid it as we would a plague, married or not. Using
profane erotica to jump start our libido within marriage and not repenting for
it not only programs us to be bad lovers over time, it also makes us unworthy
to attend the temple.[ii]
Elder Ted E. Brewerton said “…profane (things that defile
the sacred) words never edify.”(1983,1)[iii]
It stands to reason then that anything profane does not edify and that those things that are sacred/holy are those
things that do edify.
Such circumstances should be recognized for the spiritual
dangers they present. Fortunately, they can be repented of quickly once we
recognize their presence in our relationship. Our sexual activities should be
strengthening our eternal marriage, not making it sick.
Stay tuned for part three and if you missed part 1, click HERE
[i]
The Four Marriage Killers: Secrets https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/waiting-upon-the-lord-thy-will-be-done?lang=eng
[ii]
Oakes, Dallin H.,Recovering from the Trap of Pornograhy, (2015), https://www.lds.org/liahona/2015/10/youth/recovering-from-the-trap-of-pornography?lang=eng
[iii]
Brewerton, Ted E., Profanity and Swearing, Apr. 1983 General Conference, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1983/04/profanity-and-swearing?lang=eng
