President Spencer W. Kimball said years ago, in the Miracle
of Forgiveness:
“Even though sex can be an important and satisfactory part
of married life, we must remember that life is not designed just for sex. Even
marriage does not make proper certain extremes in sexual indulgence. (1969, 73)
This part I addressed in a previous blog entitled “sexual extremes in marriage”.
However, Spencer Kimball goes on to say:
“To the Ephesian saints Paul begged for propriety in marriage:
‘So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife
loveth himself.’ (Eph. 5:28.)
And perhaps the Lord’s condemnation included secret sexual sins in
marriage, when he said: ‘… And those who are not pure, and have
said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.” (D&C
132:52.)” (Miracle of Forgiveness,
73, emphasis added).
I wanted to address this quote today because of the concerns
I’ve been hearing that have plagued members’ marriages since 1969, when this
book was published.
Separating Cultural Myth from Gospel Truth
Recently, I’ve received questions from married couples whose
parents are now using the phrase “secret sexual sins” to justify telling their married
children what sexual practices are and are not okay to do in marriage – even
when many of those sexual acts are perfectly acceptable to the Lord for a
husband and wife to do in the sanctity of their marriage bed.
One reader in particular was still troubled, even after her
bishop had told her what they are doing was fine and that the local leaders
have been counseled not to tell a married couple what they can or cannot do
sexually in marriage, which was correct counsel.
Her mother’s advice contradicted the bishop’s, saying that
any Saints that couldn’t live up to the doctrine indicated by Spencer Kimball’s
quote and her interpretation of it were not strong enough to be Saints, leaving
this reader not knowing who to believe.
What comes to mind with the phrase ‘secret sexual sins’?
I’ve seen the phrase ‘secret sexual sins’ slyly referred to
as oral sex, anal sex, using a vibrator, sex in positions other than missionary
style, having sex naked, and even having sex in places other than the bedroom.
In all my research, I have found nothing canonized in our
gospel that says any of these are forbidden in the loving, consensual bounds of
marriage.
So what did President Kimball actually mean by “secret
sexual sins”? And how do we know whether or not we have committed them in our
own marriages?
For that answer we have to read the statement in the full
context it was given, look closely at the scriptures referenced in this section
of the Miracle of Forgiveness, revisit what exactly the law of chastity is for
those of us who are married, and ask ourselves “Is this a cultural myth or a
doctrinal fact?”
Come back next week to discover more.
