Can Your Marriage Pass The Friendship Test?

For the full expression of love and intimacy to exist and for the deepest sexual experiences to be achieved in a marriage, there must be friendship between a husband and wife.

According to Keith Davis (1985), friendship has eight qualities. Ask each other if the other feels any of these are missing and what you can do to proactively make that correction.

"Enjoyment.

Friends enjoy being with each other most of the time. They feel at ease with each other despite occasional disagreements.

Acceptance.

Friends accept each other as they are. They tolerate faults and shortcomings instead of trying to change each other.

Trust.

Friends trust and look out for each other. They lean on each other during difficult times.

Respect.

Friends respect each other's judgement. They may not agree with the choices that a person makes, but they honor their decisions.

Mutual Support.

Friends help and support each other. They help each other out without expecting something in return.

Confiding.

Friends share experiences and feelings.  They don't gossip about each other or back stab.

Understanding.

Friends are sympathetic about each other's feeling and thoughts. They can often read each other without saying very much.

Honesty.

Friends are open and honest. They feel free to be "themselves" and say what they think.”

Benokraitis, Nijole V., Marriages and Families (2005. p.142-143)

CTC Night (At Home) -- Sacred Erotic Story

 Are you ready for another exciting Continue-the-Courtship night?

Try these ideas when you're looking for a couple of hours away from the children for some sacred time:

* Take the kids to Grandma and Grandpa - they remember those days, and are usually eager to have some quality time with the grandkids.

* Make friends with other couples in your ward who have small children. Arrange to swap babysitting.

* Put the kids to bed early - baby monitors work great when you need some time alone.

* Put out some snacks and games, or the kids' favorite movie. Again, a baby monitor works great here. If they get too quiet, peek in on them from time to time.


For your couple time:

Each of you make up an 'erotic' story to try and turn on your spouse, and tell it to each other. No more than three paragraphs long. You can write it out and read it to each other, or just make it up and tell it to each other if you prefer.

Then you take turns writing a 'romantic' story for your spouse, based on what they like.

You are each the romantic leads. Choose an exotic time and place. Describe the emotions when you meet, and how your relationship builds.

Yes, husbands- don't get bent out of shape if you're bored by her ideas of 'romance'. Include lots of parts about what the couple in your fantasy talk about (family, home, travel, dreams), and include how the couple build a relationship together and the things he does to win her trust. Avoid gratuitous sexuality, and work or chore-related topics. Do include lots of kissing and caressing in the story. Women need help channeling their thoughts to the sexual part of their brain.

Wives - Men are not often turned on by relationship stories. You might as well try to turn him on by reading the dictionary to him. Men have a direct line to their sexual brain. The story you write for him should have at least one very graphic sexual encounter, described in great detail with body parts and heaving breaths - this activity is not immoral if it's something created and kept sacred between the two of you, and not shared with others. Keep the story in the context of the two of you. Don't involve strangers, real or imagined. This also keeps it in the sacred realm.


Wives, your guy may not have a talent for storytelling, but affirm him for any effort he gives. If he makes it too sexual for your comfort, listen to what he is adding. This may give you a clue into what he would like in your love- making with him. What he is describing may be 'romantic' to him. Give him validation for what he does right, and gently let him know what kinds of things you would prefer to hear in your fantasy.

Creating and telling him a story can give him an idea of your preferences as well. Not a bad thing.

Most importantly, don't take it too seriously. Relax, play with it, and have fun!

Happy Dating!

C-T-C Night (At Home) -- Nude Model

I find that many of the sexual things the world labels as "dirty" are so because they are executed outside of marriage.

Sadly, the world teaches us that "unless it's dirty" it has no value, because it loses its excitement and fun. A further insult to these sacred activities (reserved for marriage) is when people label them "dirty" even in marriage.

Many sexual activities are not only acceptable in marriage, but are wholesome tools for bonding a man and a woman mentally and spiritually for eternity.

Tonight's date idea is one of those:


Get artsy! You may not be Van Gogh or Rembrandt, but chances are there's some sort of artistic talent lurking inside of you. Spend a night indoors together sketching each other and learning something new all at once.

Use construction paper and crayons if that's all you have - doesn't have to be complicated or professional-level.If you're lucky, your sweetie may even consider posing nude for you!

If your spouse is uncomfortable with the idea, address those concerns. This is a great opportunity to address body issues, self-esteem, and  beliefs, as well as how to keep activities such as this sacred.

Be sure to ask first. Coercion takes the fun out of any activity. Remember, it's supposed to bond - not separate.

Happy Dating!

CTC Night (At Home) -- New-Sexual Touch

Here's a meaningful and wholesome courtship night idea!

Dr. David Schnarch in his book Passionate Marriage said, "Married couples who don't play with each other's genitals often play with each other's minds instead."


Sexual touch is so very vital for a healthy marriage. Most husbands will admit the most direct way to communicate love to them is to acknowledge and play with their genitals. Since they come from this paradigm, men will focus on their wives' genitals, fully hoping their wives will want to mirror their love language.


However, most wives will complain that their husbands focus on their genitals, and ignore the rest of their body.


For tonight's at-home date, find an appropriate distraction for your children, or put them to bed and lock yourselves in your room.


Without clothing, spend the next two hours touching and exploring anywhere except each other's genitals. If it leads to heavier things, that's okay, but try to spend this time just focusing on all the other "non-sexual" parts of the other's body. Make it a game to see how long you can resist.


While you engage in this exercise, try this topic of discussion:

"What do you imagine the eternities will look like? If you had your say in exactly how it would be designed, what would you want the eternal world you'll live in to look like?"


Happy Dating!

CTC Night (At Home) -- Feed her well

Happy Continue-The-Courtship Night!

I learned that in Japan, young women can hire some of their favorite movie stars to go on a date with them.

In an interview with the actor they asked him "What do you do on a date with these girls?"

He answered "Oh, regular stuff. We eat, we talk. Nothing sexual."

He went on to tell that the young women will come with slips of paper, containing a request of one thing they would really like to do with him. The actor said that his number one request was that they feed each other.

Some of you may not find that romantic, but some of you might.

So, for tonight's at-home date idea, the husband is to make (or provide) dinner for his wife. Once you are able to distract the kids for a couple of hours, feed each other dinner.

To help conversation on this date, ask each other " If you had no limit of money or time, where would you travel to, and why?"

Happy Dating!