In case you missed it, click here to view part 1
Truth #2: Personal purity is the
key to true love.
The more pure your thoughts and feelings, your words and
actions, the greater your capacity to give and receive true love.
The first
thought that came to my mind when I heard this was, ‘What kind of love is she
talking about? Which of the seven different kinds of love is she referring to?’
On the
surface, it sounds like she’s specifically referring to eros and/or mania in
this talk, but it truly follows that all the forms of love improve in quality
as we improve our personal purity.
If you’d
like more clarity on this perspective and what different kinds of love exist, the
first of my series of articles is here: (Love = Love? Which Kind of Love?)
… every time you pour out your heart to your Heavenly Father
in prayer, and then listen…every time you study the scriptures seeking answers
to the questions of your heart…every time you avoid anything that would wound your spirit, such as pornography…every
time you worship in the temple…every time you find an ancestor’s
ordinance-qualifying information…you are choosing to increase your personal
purity.
She
refers to pornography here. I prefer to use the term ‘profane erotica’ because
it’s more specific, but considering her audience, pornography will be the more widely-used
term to most people right now.
Your future spouse will thank you, because in that very
moment, you will be preparing for true marital intimacy.
So if you’re single, and wonder how best to prepare for true
love, the answer is, do whatever it takes to keep your thoughts, feelings,
words and actions pure. Invite the Spirit to guide you; He will help you. And
if you’re married, my counsel is exactly the same.
She
couldn’t be more right here – I resound with and second this thought. Sometimes
singles may feel that maintaining their virtue, and thus coming into marriage
without any sexual experience, is a disadvantage.
To me,
and from my experience and research, nothing could be further from the truth. From
an eternal perspective, it’s a huge advantage to stay pure before marriage.
The best
thing any single member of the Church can possibly do to prepare for the best
possible sex is to live the gospel to the very best of their ability, and then
they as a couple can learn about sexuality together.
Any
sexual knowledge we bring to our marriage should not include active
experimentation until we have a spouse to experiment with, because no two
people are alike. Whatever we learn sexually with one person, as far as likes
and dislikes, we must learn all over again with the person we finally marry.
All we need
before then is a basic knowledge of anatomy, the temporal and spiritual consequences of sex outside of marriage and perhaps some knowledge of
limerance. They need to know what it is, and how to handle it, and to focus on living the gospel
and being obedient to the Lord. We really don’t need much more than that.
As you work to become more pure, you will have the Holy
Ghost with you more and more. Your ability to receive personal revelation will
increase, which means you’ll have clearer direction for your life.
You’ll feel more at peace, and have more joy. Less lonely,
and more hopeful about your future. You’ll also have increased mental clarity
as you study and work, and, in addition to these great rewards for working
every day to be just a little more pure, you’ll be increasing your ability to
experience true marital intimacy.
This is why pornography is so devastating. Contrary to what
all of its promoters claim, pornography will actually prevent you from
experiencing the most marvelous kind of intimacy.
If you
haven’t already, I really hope you will take the time to read my article about
profane erotica (link here). Even the word ‘pornography’ is such a devil’s
snare as a term. It’s a secular term that’s best avoided whenever possible.
Any
marriage therapist who tries to prescribe profane erotic materials to solve the
short-term problem of low libido has no idea what they’re doing, or the
long-term consequences involved in doing that.
Profane
erotica is a great way to make us horrible lovers to our spouses. It promotes
the body’s control of the spirit, instead of the other way around. It leads to
spiritual death and all its attendant consequences and it makes us unworthy to hold the priesthood and attend the temple. Everyone involved in it,
from the viewer and their families and friends, to the actors and producers, to
the society at large, is in some way twisted or harmed or feels the negative effects of
its influence. It’s not just X-rated movies anymore. Every movie, every song,
every magazine and novel, even children’s shows today show the effects of those
who are influenced by profane erotica. It should be avoided under any
circumstances, married or single, just as the General Authorities say.
Having
said all that, I want to emphasize that the acts performed in profane erotica –
many, if not most of them, are in and of themselves holy and sacred. Those who
are involved are defiling something that is sacred, but their actions do not change the sacredness of sex. Those will always be
sacred. Context is everything here.
Stay tuned for part#3
