Since we change and grow as time passes when we are married, couples who are not in the habit of going on regular dates can grow apart instead of together. After marriage, nothing is spontaneous anymore, so regular date nights have to be schedule and planned, but the rewards are worth it.
Also, after we are married, children and the cares of life can consume a lot of time. If we don't plan time with our spouse in there, time will slip away and we'll find it's been years since we last had a date with our spouse.
All of us will at some point in our lives have to accommodate children and or elder care. Here are some ideas to help manage those so you have time with your sweetheart when those dates have to be at home. I've arranged some of the wording to be more appropriate to courtship night.
The chapter was "Dealing with Childcare Demands" [1]
* Provide activities for your children. Kids enjoy doing things on their own for part of the day. Plan activities that will keep them happily occupied while you're [having your date.]
* Enlist your child's help. Children love to play adult and, if they are old enough, help you [have a date]. Perhaps you can give them 'assignments' that they can work on while you're [having your date].
* [ Arrange for a play date at their friend's house]. Some children can remain occupied for house if they have a playmate.
*Use screen time appropriately. Age-appropriate shows like Sesame Street, Netflix downloads, and even video games can be not only engaging, but educational. The trick is to monitor what the kids watch.
*Find the best childcare providers that are available. The better the care your children are getting, the better you'll be able to concentrate on your [spouse while you're on your date]. You may still feel guilty that you're not with your children as much as you'd like, but accept that guilt. Remember, your [time alone with your spouse] builds a better future for your children.
*Use your children's 'downtime' effectively. If your children are young, use their nap time as a chance to [date]. Or consider getting up early, before your children wake up, for a period [of time] in which you will have fewer interruptions than later in the day.
*Accept that [dating] will be harder with kids around. It may take you longer to [make arrangements], and [it might not be as fun as it was when the two of you were young and single]. But remind yourself...one day your children will be grown, and without a doubt there will be times that you'll miss their high level of energy and activity [but dating will get so much easier, especially if you persevered while they were young.]
Elder Care Demands
* Encourage as much independence as possible on the part of older adults for whom you are responsible. Not only will this take some of the pressure off you, but it will be helpful to adults.
* Ask for support form your siblings and other family members. Caring for an ill or aging parent should be a family affair, not a burden that falls on any one individual.
* Determine what community resources are available. Local centers for aging may provide assistance not only to the elderly but also to their caregivers.
* Respect your own needs. Remember that your own priorities are important. Elders for whom you are responsible will understand that you will sometimes need to put your [marriage] first.
[1] East Central University, Interdisciplinary Studies, McGraw Hill Education, (2019, 49-50)
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