Reader comment on Church General Handbook 38.6.19 "Birth Control"

 

"...for the choice of "permanent" sterilization. 38.6.19 "strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control" and then allows for limited exceptions.

I expect that 38.6.4 is a better representation of God's truth on the matter (that birth control -- including surgical sterilization when a couple decides they will not have more children -- is a private matter that should be left between the couple and the Lord), and that 38.6.19 will eventually get edited and corrected when the bureaucracy can get to it (but what does some random internet busybody like me really know). For now, there is still some tension in the Handbook about just how far a couple can go in deciding these things for themselves." ~ David N

I'm not sure I see a conflict in the two policies. I can see why it would be "discouraged". When a couple goes in for surgical sterilization, the doctor has to sit them down and make sure they fully understand what they are electing to do. This is because many cases have had post surgery remorse - whether it was spiritually or years down the road changing their mind about wanting children. If a man is sterilized, should his wife die and he remarries, his new wife may want a child. Sure he can get a reversal, but it can cost $8-10,000. There is generally not the same issue with other forms of birth control. This is the only reason I can see it being "discouraged". Though it is discouraged, I was not able to find anywhere where sterilization would be a action that would affect temple worthiness or be a cause for membership restrictions or a church court. Bishops are not being told to ask about sterilization in interviews. So, in that, I'm still seeing the church keeping themselves out of the decisions they make concerning birth control. The only reason I can see why it would be put as a "discouragement" in the handbook would be in case a member ask a church leader about it. The church leader could then tell them "well, the handbook say's it's discouraged, but is a decision to be made between you, your spouse and the Lord." This is one of the reasons I wrote my article "Is the Bishop in Your Bedroom". As youth in the church we can culturally get so hung up on taking anything sexual to the Bishop that some don't realize they don't have to take what they do sexually with their spouse to the Bishop. As married couples, our sexual activities with our spouse are between spouses and the Lord. In fact, the Bishop really doesn't want to hear it and I've had a bishop tell me as much. ~ Coach Sam Zaragoza

Which Lube Is Right For Your Marriage?

 

While doing my research and thinking about taking a trip to Europe, the thought came to me “would someone traveling to say, London, be able to go to a local chemist and buy their favorite lube?” So many things we take for granted in America.

Many of the lubes you would find at a local Walmart in America are not available in the UK. They have their own line of personal lubricants.  

This led to the idea that, if a married couple were traveling to Europe, and decided to get their toiletries there, they may find themselves standing at the shelves of products asking, “Which one do I spend my money on”?

So why don’t we test several and pass that information on to you?

For this reason, we conducted this experiment.  With help from my MeWe page group, I selected 10 lubes - Astroglide, Astroglide Paraben Free, Greater Value (Walmart brand) Personal Lubricant Jelly, Lubido, Lube Life, Pjur, Sagami, Durex and KY Yours & Mine. Lubido and Lube life are sold in the UK.

For this experiment, to keep it as consistent as possible, I did all water-based lubes, used Astroglide as my control (since I judged it initially to be the best in terms of color, durability, safety and clean up), and included a latex test for those who may want to know how effective the lube could be with condom use.

To keep the experiment appropriate for members of the Church, we performed the experiment by putting 3 drops on the palm of my hand and rubbing my hands together. One test was done with just skin on skin and the other with one hand with a latex glove and the other just skin.

With the lube on, and my wife running a timer, I rubbed my hands together until I felt the first sensation of friction setting in – basically a feeling like I needed to add more lube.  The results may have been subjective to personal preference in some respects, but we tried to keep it consistent. I also rubbed my hands together using a moderate, but vigorous speed and tried to keep it the same speed for all the lubes tested.

When I began, I placed three drops on the palm of my hand. The lube was not spread out first. I put my palms together and as soon as I said “go”, the timer began, and I would rub my hands until friction set in.

As you can see from the chart, we tested for texture, color, and scent, as well as friction prevention in seconds with skin only, and with skin on a latex glove to simulate condom use. We also tested how long it took to rinse off my hands – with just plain running tap water – rubbing my hands together until I didn’t feel the slippery effect of any lube anywhere on my hands anymore. Clean up was an important factor to consider. Since these are “water based”, water breaks down a lubricant’s ability to lubricate. This also means that bodily fluids can affect a lube’s performance. So, the longer it takes to wash off, the less lube may be needed.

From the results, there wasn’t really a clear “winner”, but rather a general guideline emerged that may be helpful for others in decision-making, depending on what you need it for.

it appeared “Lube Life” was the clear winner in overall performance.  It lasted the longest in its lubrication durability with skin and kept up with the longer lasting lubes with latex use. It also washed off quickly, but not too quick.  Also, at $6 for 4 oz, was one of the more economical of the choices.

A surprising runner up – especially for latex use – was the Greater Value Personal Lubrication Jelly.  It lasted the longest yet was also the hardest to wash off. In fact, you may need to use soap if you want to get it off faster. 

Its lubrication durability wasn’t that surprising though – if you really think about it. It’s designed to be a lubricant (like KY Jelly) for latex glove medical examination – where the lubrication needs to be reliable, especially with latex gloves to prevent discomfort or skin damage, and at $1.95 for 4oz is an amazing deal.

Astroglide original came in second for its durability on just skin and clean up, but fourth on its durability with a condom.

An honorable mention went to the Durex brand. Its bottle design was brilliant. The top applicator is a smooth plastic wide dome shape that allows for comfortable hands-free lube distribution – which helps reduce clean up.  However, it was my opinion that the product felt somewhat unpleasant – not painful, just goopy, and gross on the skin.  It was flavored like vanilla cake mix – which you may find helpful for intimate play, but I found the fragrance somewhat difficult to wash out. That may or may not be an issue for you.  

Personal Lubricant Test Results Grid

As you can see from my chart, I also included the ingredients of each so you can see what they have in common and so you can do a browser search to find out what those ingredients are and decide if you are comfortable putting that in or on your body.

I hope you found this helpful, as a tool toward helping you both build the kind of marriage you want to keep for eternity.  ~ Sam Zaragoza (March 15, 2022)