Some of the words we use in our respective subcultures may
seem innocent. They may appear to carry no power or allow for every situation.
When it comes to communication – especially in marriage – understanding
the power of words is essential when attempting to understand each other, and
what is or is not sexually acceptable to Lord in our lives.
Words have power to shape our perceptions, and by
default, our lives.
The word ‘pornography’ is an excellent example of this. If we
prejudice all sexuality by wrapping it all up in the word “pornography”, then
the human aspiration to simplify or pigeonhole all concepts leads us to view
all manifestations of sexuality as ‘bad’ – even in marriage. What’s worse, the
definitions of pornography avoid – even deny – the existence of its sacred
aspect.
[i]
I believe there’s a better way to determine if something is
worthy before the Lord when it comes to art, music, humor, movies, books, TV,
human anatomy, human interaction, sexuality, and the gospel.
However, in our LDS culture the word pornography has been
allowed to warp and blur everything we believe in – from our definitions of
modesty to what are appropriate sexual practices in marriage – and it’s causing
reason to stare.
When we’re speaking with each other in terms of the gospel,
we can abandon the word pornography and use a better term.
Instead of using the word ‘pornography’ as the world uses
it, we can substitute the terms ‘profane erotica’ and ‘sacred erotica’, and get
a much clearer picture of what the Lord intended for us to know about the
proper and right use of sexuality.
For more background on the general idea, feel free to refer
to my previous article, “Mormons Take Pleasure in Sacred Erotica”. Here, I’d
like to show you how words can change our perceptions.
For example, I was recently reading the Church’s booklet,
“Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts”, a booklet that discusses the law of chastity
and how to best keep it – in terms of what entertainment we seek out. It’s a
blessing to us as members that the Church puts out such information, and I’m
not saying that the Church curriculum department made mistakes in putting this
pamphlet out there.
What I want to show is how we might consider using different
terms to help us to better communicate the difference between what is
acceptable and what is not when it comes
to how we view and handle human anatomy and sexuality, in or out of marriage.
In the pamphlet, “Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts”, we find
the following paragraph.
“Pornography can be devastating. Indulgence in
it will deprive you of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. It will darken your
mind. It will weaken and can eventually destroy marriage and family life. Those
who indulge in it soon feel alienated, unworthy, and unacceptable to God, to
themselves, and to others. They become self-centered and less able to enjoy
healthy and righteous interactions with others. They waste valuable time and
money, jeopardize their standing in the Church, and diminish their ability to
serve others.”
This appears to be a very clear-cut statement on the
surface. Instead, it raises additional difficult questions.
What exactly is pornography anyway?
Does pornography mean all sexuality?
Does that mean I should remove all
sexual stimuli from my life? Is that even possible?
Does that mean we’re indulging in
pornography if I and my spouse want to learn about sex?
How does this relate to the sexually
intimate relationship between a husband and wife?
Does that mean that any kind of
sexual act or images of the human anatomy that people take pictures of is
pornography?
What about medical journals and
training? If anyone finds themselves aroused by those images, should they not
become a doctor? Are doctors sinning because they are intentionally exposing
themselves to images of sexual anatomy?
What about art? Is that pornography?
Who defines what art is and what is only “pornography”?
What if I’m turned on by things
other people are not turned on by? Does it make that thing only pornography to
me and not others? And vise versa?
What if my
spouse/parents/bishop/other friends and relatives think pornography is one
thing, and I think it’s something else? Am I wrong? Is my spouse or other loved
ones right? Should I allow others to define what is “pornographic” for me?
If it carries such heavy consequences, I personally would
want to know.
These very questions are questions I’m asked by other readers,
who read such information in the Church or in the world, and can’t find clear
answers to these questions. How would you answer these questions for someone?
What if these questions could be answered by substituting one term for another?
Now read the same paragraph, where I substitute the term ‘pornography’
for the term ‘profane erotica’:
“Profane erotica can be devastating.
Indulgence in it will deprive you of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. It
will darken your mind. It will weaken and can eventually destroy marriage and
family life. Those who indulge in it soon feel alienated, unworthy, and
unacceptable to God, to themselves, and to others. They become self-centered
and less able to enjoy healthy and righteous interactions with others. They
waste valuable time and money, jeopardize their standing in the Church, and
diminish their ability to serve others.”
Were you able to see how one substitution can change
everything? It still works, and what’s more, when we understand what the
difference is between how to handle things that are sacred and what actions
profane the sacred - it starts to make some of the answers to these questions
more clear.
What is profane erotica anyway?
Profane erotica is any sexual words (spoken, sung or
written), images (art, TV, movies, etc.) created or shared in a context that
defiles what should be treated as sacred and holy. It is often created for the
purpose of stimulating our minds to sexual thoughts outside of our marital
relationship, which is meant to lead us to physically break the law of
chastity, whether married or single.
Does profane erotica include all
sexuality?
No. All charitably shared and wholesome sexual expression
within marriage is sacred. President Spencer W. Kimball reinforced this idea
when he said “In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual
relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading
about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in the process
of creation and in an expression of love.” (President Kimball Speaks Out, 2)
When the human body (including reproductive organs) is
viewed and handled in an ethical and reverent way, it is also in keeping with
treating it sacred. This spirit of the law is what makes allowance for bathing
a child or changing their diaper. It also makes allowance for someone studying,
teaching and practicing gynecology, human sexuality, and other professional
practices that involve edifying and healing the human body, mind and
relationships.
Does it mean I should remove all
sexual stimuli from my life (assuming I’m married)?
No. Removing all sexual stimuli is
impossible. We should remove all stimuli that come to us in a profane context. We then ourselves only express sexuality in a sacred way, whether married or single. The Church
has provided a helpful list of questions we can ask ourselves to determine if
what we are exposed to in our work, hobbies or daily lives is profane and/or
affecting our spirituality and well-being, and the health of our marital
relationship. It can be found at this link: (
Do I Have A Pornography Problem
)
Does that mean we’re indulging in profane
erotica if I and my spouse want to learn about sex?
No. Profane erotica is not an accurate
source for learning about sexuality anyway.
Susan M. Johnson a professor of psychology at the University of Ottawa and Director of the Ottawa Couple
and Family Institute said
"Pornography is an
instruction kit for being an absolutely appalling lover!"[ii]
Pictures or videos of live people
having sex can be misleading on several different levels, and are profaning the
act itself. Some videos that proclaim to be “sexual education” are instead
gateway profane erotica.
With our current technology, there
is no sexual practice or technique that cannot be respectfully demonstrated by
way of a drawing, mannequin, or computer generated image - instead of using live
models. Married couples would find more success seeking out sources for sexual education that treat
sexuality and the human body in an ethical and respectful manner, and that
follow the guidelines for the scientific method.
Does that mean that any kind of
sexual act that people take pictures of is profane erotica?
Taking sexual pictures and sharing them with others is
profaning our own or someone else’s sexuality – making it common and ordinary
instead of holy and sacred.
Sister Susan W. Tanner (a former Young Women’s General
President) said:
“Satan… tries to do
everything he can to get us to abuse or misuse this precious gift. He has
filled the world with lies and deceptions about the body. He tempts many to
defile this great gift of the body through unchastity, immodesty,
self-indulgence, and addictions. He seduces some to despise their bodies;
others he tempts to worship their bodies.
In either case, he entices the world
to regard the body merely as an object. In the face of so many satanic
falsehoods about the body, I want to raise my voice today in support of the
sanctity of the body. I testify that the body is a gift to be treated with gratitude
and respect…
A short while ago as I visited one of the great tourist-filled
cities of the world, I felt an overwhelming sadness that so many people in the
world had fallen prey to Satan’s deception that our bodies are merely objects
to be flaunted and displayed openly… In
For the Strength of Youth it
says: “Your body is God’s sacred creation. Respect it as a gift from God, and
do not defile it in any way.”
[iii]
What about within
marriage? A husband taking an erotic picture of his wife (or vise versa) that
he does not share is not profane – it is sacred, as long as there is no
coercion involved, one or the other spouse does not find the activity lewd, and
it is either destroyed or kept sacred between the husband and wife.
Allowing others to see those images would then be violating
that sacred trust, and would defile the sacredness of your spouse’s body.
[iv]
What about sex or nudity in art? Is
that profane erotica?
Sexuality or nudity in art is a powerful thing and can easily
be used for profane purposes. The subconscious sexual brain cannot tell the
difference between what is real or imagined.
[v] It will invoke a sexual response either way.
If we look at the naked body (or
representation thereof) of a person we are not married to for the purpose of
becoming aroused, that is profaning something sacred. Even if we are not
expressly aroused by viewing such art, it can still subconsciously affect us.
Again, Dr. David Glenn in his book “Beginner to Advanced NLP”,
teaches how powerful our subconscious mind is and how it has the power to
override our conscious mind. Our subconscious will move us to do that which it
associates with pleasure. He explains that putting up images of those things
that we want or desire (where we can see them regularly) has a powerful affect on
our subconscious. It will eventually cause us to act on them when the opportunity
arises – because we associate that thing with pleasure.
To illustrate, President Spencer W. Kimball gives these
examples in his book “The Miracle of Forgiveness”:
“…In a community in the North, I visited a man occasionally
who had above the desk in his printing establishment a huge picture of a nude
woman.
He laughed at the idea of its being destructive to his
morals. But one day years later he came to me with a stained soul – he had
committed adultery. His house had fallen in on him.
Certainly the thoughts provoked by the things always before
his eyes must have had a deteriorating effect on him. There may have been other
factors, but surely this one played its part.
We would all be well advised to avoid the motivation to the
evil thought. If persistently resisted it will ‘get the message’ and stay away.
When I was in business in Arizona, the calendar salesman came each
year and we always bought calendars and gave them to customers as advertising.
The first year the salesman spread out on the desk large, colored pictures of
scantily clad girls, glamorous but shocking.
We pushed them all aside and chose scenes, landscapes, and
elevating pictures. In all the years following, that salesman never brought
me…another suggestive picture.”[vi]
I recognize that there is great skill that goes into drawing
or sculpting the human form, but determining the difference between what is
protecting the sacred or profaning it comes with asking “What was the artist’s
intent?”
As President Kimball’s remarks could suggest, the salacious
depiction of the human form is only produced when mankind is willing to pay for
it. When we stop paying for it, it goes away. The profane erotica industry is
so prevalent because it is a billion dollar industry.
There is also a difference between drawing an anatomically
correct human form for the purpose to educate, and a drawing or sculpture of
the human form skillfully portrayed in a seductive or salacious manner.
Here the phrase “A picture is worth a thousand words,” was
never more true. The question we can then ask ourselves is “Is this image
profaning the sacred? Is it leading my mind to respectful thoughts, or immoral
thoughts?”
What if I’m turned on by people or
things other people are not turned on by? Does it make that person or
thing profane erotica to me?
Every person is different, and affected by different things.
Regardless, we have a responsibility to respect the sacredness of sex and turn
away when our feelings go where they should not. If our spouse arouses us
sexually, those feelings are sacred, and there are appropriate places for the expression
of those feelings within marriage.
[vii]
When asked for her definition of pornography, LDS sex
therapist Laura M. Brotherson and author of “And They Are Not Ashamed” said to
me recently:
“…
you might define pornography as
anything that's a counterfeit or substitute for sexual
intimacy/connection/stimulation within the intimate relationship of a couple.
That stimulation which is "received from their spouse" is never
considered pornography in my mind.”[viii]
What about books or stories where
there’s no pictures? Can that still count as profane erotica?
Sexually explicit books, with or without pictures, can fall
under the umbrella of profane erotica.
[ix]
If our spouse writes or tells a sexual story that involves our
relationship, that story is sacred, as long as it is not shared with outside individuals
or parties. Writing stories that are written for the intent to sexually arouse
other people we’re not married to is defiling the sacred.
What if my
spouse/parents/bishop/other friends and relatives think profane erotica is one
thing, and I think it’s something else? Am I wrong? Is my spouse wrong? Are my
friends and other loved ones wrong?
What terms are we using? What terms are our family and
friends using? Where is the firm guideline but in the terms the Lord originally
gave us?
I believe profane erotica is what the prophets and apostles
are truly referring to when they call something “pornography” and not sacred
erotica. They never meant for us to demonize all sexual experiences – just
those that emerge outside the bounds the Lord has set for mankind.
[x]
What if, for more clarity, we add the term ‘sacred erotica’
to the same paragraph referenced earlier?
“Sacred erotica
can be devastating. Indulgence in it will deprive you of the companionship of
the Holy Ghost. It will darken your mind. It will weaken and can eventually
destroy marriage and family life. Those who indulge in it soon feel alienated,
unworthy, and unacceptable to God, to themselves, and to others. They become
self-centered and less able to enjoy healthy and righteous interactions with
others. They waste valuable time and money, jeopardize their standing in the
Church, and diminish their ability to serve others.”
Can you sense how wrong this feels? Sacred erotica doesn't carry any of these consequences, because it's within the proper place the Lord has set.
Some have told me that there is no such thing as sacred
erotica, but I ask you – how can something become profane if it is not first
holy? The adversary does not create – he only twists and destroys that which is
first good – that which was created by God. What did God create?
He created Adam and Eve. He created marriage. He created our
reproductive organs. He created the nerve endings and chemical mechanisms that stir
sexual arousal and enable orgasm and sexual release and emotional bonding and make life creation possible - even desireable. This is what becomes
profaned when the adversary gets his hands on it. When he entices and
influences mankind to glorify and worship sexual release and orgasm over worshiping
the Lord and following His counsel, people lose the eternal perspective of
marriage.
[xi]
If we want to keep ourselves firmly on the Lord’s side while
still appropriately expressing our sexuality, I highly recommend separating out
the ‘sacred’ from the ‘profane’. The world will try to lump them all together with
their terms, and the Adversary will have his day with those who do not follow
the Lord’s guidelines. By eliminating the term “pornography” and instead
acknowledging what is sacred and how it becomes profaned, we can set a better
example for our brothers and sisters in the world, and not be fooled by words that
only confuse, mislead, frustrate, and enables cultural conditioning that leads to embracing gross immorality as acceptable.
[ii] Johnson, Susan M, The Practice of Emotionally
Focused Couples Therapy, Routledge; 2 edition (August 30, 2004)
[iii]
Tanner, Susan W. “The Sanctity of the Body.” Ensign October 2005
[iv]
There is a spirit of the law inherent in this, however. Should your spouse be
in a circumstance where they cannot be moved, and have an infection on their
sacred body parts, taking a picture to show their doctor would not be profane.
This is true providing you and the doctor view and discusses the body in an
ethical and reverent manner.
Turning
around and then showing this same picture to your family, friends and neighbors
could be construed as a profane use of that picture. Context makes the
difference.
[v]
Dr. David Glenn, Beginner To Advanced NLP Hypnotherapy Psychology
[vi]
Kimball, Spencer W., The Miracle of Forgiveness, p.114-115
[vii]
Kimball, Spencer W. The Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 226-227; also see
Christenson, Joe J., The Savior is Counting on You, October 1996 General
Conference
[viii]Personal
interview, May 2014
[x]
Eternal Marriage Student Manual, Intimacy, p. 139-146 and p.264-267
[xi]
Eternal Marriage Student Manual, 2003, Intellectual Reserve, Inc., p. 264
