HAPPY CONTINUE - THE - COURTSHIP NIGHT EVERYONE!
Is your marriage a prison sentence, or an eternity of blissful and joyful opportunities? It's all in how you look at it, isn't it?
Tonight, do your favorite thing to do together. It doesn't matter what it is...just do it.
"Incompatibility is never the real reason for a divorce. It's a reason
for breakup of a dating relationship...The real reason is likely to be
that neither attended to the relationship. Perhaps one or both threw
themselves into parenting, or a job. They stopped doing the things that
they did when dating and that couples need to do to thrive as parents -
take time for conversation, talk about
how their day went or what's on their mind. Or perhaps the real love was
undermined by the inability to handle conflict.
If you get to
the point where you're delivering an ultimatum, you haven't been
maintaining your relationship properly. It's like your car stopping on
the side of the road and you say, 'It just isn't working anymore' - but
you haven't changed the oil in 10 years.
What makes people the
right mates for each other - is the willingness of both partners to be
open and vulnerable; to listen and care about each other."
~ Doherty, Bradbury, Webber, "Are You With The Right Mate", Psychology Today, Feb 2012 pg 63
Educational website catering specifically to the marital intimacy concerns of married members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
marriage bed symbol
Friday, January 16, 2015
Friday, January 9, 2015
Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) -- Melting Together
Happy Continue-The-Courtship Night!
Tonight it's his turn and, as a guy, I like to think I'm pretty practical. I prefer practical things.
As Mark Gungor teaches, we men have our 'nothing' box in our mind and we like to visit there as often as possible. (Gungor, 2012) Which can mean we enjoy things that allow us to focus and not have to think about anything.
The less we have to think, the more we like it, especially if the day was stressful. It allows us time to clear our minds, release the stress, and re-energize. Add some comfort and/or physical touch into the mix and you have a great date for a guy.
So, try this great stuck-at-home date idea:
Make Candles
They don't have to be huge. Wax, molds, and instructions can be purchased at a hobby store. It makes for great conversation, is something you do together, and lots of opportunity to touch each other.
Here is the practical part. You can use the finished product to give to home teaching families, friends and/or neighbors as gifts, or you can use them to set a romantic ambiance - maybe for when it's her turn again.
For some easy step-by-step instructions, check out this video. There are also some other great easy-to-follow candle-making videos at YouTube. One thing I do recommend though is NOT to use your own dishes. You can pick up some old pots from a garage sale or thrift store for this purpose.
Happy Dating!
Tonight it's his turn and, as a guy, I like to think I'm pretty practical. I prefer practical things.
As Mark Gungor teaches, we men have our 'nothing' box in our mind and we like to visit there as often as possible. (Gungor, 2012) Which can mean we enjoy things that allow us to focus and not have to think about anything.
The less we have to think, the more we like it, especially if the day was stressful. It allows us time to clear our minds, release the stress, and re-energize. Add some comfort and/or physical touch into the mix and you have a great date for a guy.
So, try this great stuck-at-home date idea:
Make Candles
They don't have to be huge. Wax, molds, and instructions can be purchased at a hobby store. It makes for great conversation, is something you do together, and lots of opportunity to touch each other.
Here is the practical part. You can use the finished product to give to home teaching families, friends and/or neighbors as gifts, or you can use them to set a romantic ambiance - maybe for when it's her turn again.
For some easy step-by-step instructions, check out this video. There are also some other great easy-to-follow candle-making videos at YouTube. One thing I do recommend though is NOT to use your own dishes. You can pick up some old pots from a garage sale or thrift store for this purpose.
Happy Dating!
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) -- Sexual Resolution
Happy New Year all you married lovers out there. Doing your New Year's resolutions together is a GREAT date idea. It's free, you can do it at home, it doesn't require a sitter, and it gets you talking, touching and working together. As you write down your New Year's resolutions, as spouses, ask each other this:
"What are your resolutions this year? Could any of them be used to strengthen our eternal relationship? If either of us feel our sexual intimacy is lacking, in what ways can we improve and make it more fun?
In what other ways could we modify our list to ensure we are doing things to strengthen our relationship this year - things such as temple attendance, regular dates, pillow talk time, prayer and scripture study together, touching, being more mindful to be nice to each other...etc?
Perfection may not be attained in mortality, but as Steven Covey said "A goal not written down, is just a wish."
Perfecting a marriage takes time, practice, patience, trying, and forgiveness - all our eternal lives, but OH, the rewards.
Happy dating!
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Anthroplogy vs God's Definition of Marriage
I'm recalling one of the courses I completed in anthropology, and through
this class, became aware of some different perspectives that other cultures
hold about marriage and similar unions that make up family units.
Anthropology is a most interesting study. What anthropology
asks is that we practice cultural relativism – that is: suspend judgment of
other people’s practices until we understand them in our own cultural terms.
However, it is up to each individual to apply their own
religious convictions, internalized controls, conscience, and ethics in
determining what is right and what is wrong. Anthropology cannot do this for
us.
Its purpose is to help us respect everyone’s right to act
according to the dictates of their own conscious, find beauty in the creativity
of mankind, and preserve the cultures and languages created by all ethnic
groups.
The most glaring lesson I have taken from the whole
experience is that the world cannot depend on anthropology to establish an all-inclusive
moral or ethic character for the world. Because of its empirical (equalizing,
puts everyone on the same level) and holistic (reserves judgment until after
learning all the facts) perspective, restrictions and ethics, all anthropology
can do is identify and define what IS, not what is right
or what is wrong.
Cultural relativism is only a temporary tool that has built
into it the ability to make judgments. It does not automatically establish that
every culture’s practices are morally or ethically right and correct for them,
or for everyone in the world.
If anthropologists had political power to create and enforce
law and were allowed to create for us the standard of morality and ethics that
applies for everyone, slavery, apartheid, Nazism, and the Indian caste system might
still exist as acceptable cultural institutions, because it seeks to preserve
and respect all cultural forms. They would only require that
everyone understand, not correct, or try to change, disrupt or eliminate a
uniquely developed culture.
They would establish a prime directive if you will. Do not
disrupt, interfere, or alter the development of any culture no matter how small
or insignificant.
Anthropology is a science. It is a science of observation.
It is not a ruling government body or giver of religious, moral or ethical
standards for society to follow.
Yet many anthropologist and those in secular society attempt to use the
finding of anthropologists to justify homosexual marriage, cohabitation, abortion and
extramarital affairs as moral, ethical, and socially acceptable practices.
They will claim this by using some obscure cultures in the
world that practice these, while completely ignoring the fact that those
cultures that entertain these practices are nature and sexuality worshiping
religions.
Those that are of Christian, Jewish, or Muslim generally do
not share these beliefs, and even recognize those practices as morally
incorrect and counter productive to the sustaining of a healthy society.
To exhibit how we cannot depend on anthropology to define
our global moral ethics, they cannot even agree on a definition for marriage.
One group of anthropologists tried to be inclusive of all
marriage practices by creating their own universal definition as:
“A culturally sanctioned union between two or more people that establishes certain rights and obligations between the people, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws. Such marriage rights and obligations most often include, but are not limited to, sex, labor, property, childrearing, exchange, and status. Thus defined, marriage is universal.” (Haviland, Pins, McBride, Walrath, 2014)
Even my professor attempted to justify this line of thinking
through his powerpoint presentation by listing his “three arguments against
same sex marriage.”
The one that particularly stood out to me as a glaring
contradiction was:
“All Marriages are between Men and Women– Same-sex marriages have been documented not only in a number of societies in Africa, but in other parts of the world as well. Anthropologists define marriage as unions between “people”, not man and women, because not all marriages are male and female based.” (Todd, 2014, p.30)
I found this to be contradiction because at the same time
another group of anthropologists say “It is true that virtually every society
in the world has an institution that is very tempting to label as “marriage,”
but these institutions simply do not share common characteristics.”
(Podolefsky, Brown, Lacy, 2013)
Many cultures have customs that help legitimize birthrights
and family lines, but even they do not call it marriage. We have put that label
on their socioeconomic cultural practice. An example of this would be the Hindu
practicing Nayar of Kerala India.
This culture’s practices are used to justify gay marriage
and adultery by anthropologists. Among the Nayar, they don’t have a practice
they call marriage or a word for marriage. The word they do use translates to
“tying rite.”
This “tying rite” allows for multiple men, begins when a man
brings the family linen. The couple have no obligation to each
other, and the marriage ends when the woman says it does. (Haviland,
William A; Prins, Harald E.L.; McBride, Bunny; Walrath, Dana, 2014,p.202-203)
My findings are that the Lord’s definition of marriage is
not in danger of anthropology or any sciences defaming its validity or moral,
ethical and spiritual foundations.
“…trust no one to be your teacher nor your minister, except he be a man of God, walking in his ways and keeping his commandments.” (Mosiah 23:14)
Though the world and science may deride, I choose to stay
with the Lord’s definition:
“The Family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”(Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)
References:
Haviland, William A; Prins, Harald
E.L.; McBride, Bunny; Walrath, Dana, (2014) Cultural Anthropology The Human
Experience. (14th ed.). Wadsworth,
Cengage Learning.
Sadasivan, S.N. (2000), A Social History of India., S.B.
Nangia, A.P.H. Publishing Corporation. Retrieved November 8, 2014
from http://books.google.com/books
Todd, Jesse, 2014, Brookhaven College,
2014 Cultural Anthropology Chapter 9 Powerpoint presentation
Podolefsky, Aaron; Brown, Peter J.; Lacy, Scott M., (2013) Applying Cultural Anthropology. (9th ed.). McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Languages
Friday, December 26, 2014
Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) -- Become Masters of Kama Sutra
HAPPY CONTINUE - THE - COURTSHIP NIGHT!
Marriage experts agree that regularly dating your spouse (even if you don't feel like it) is less costly than divorce. ;0)
Have you tried this one? It's cheap and great for LDS married couples with young children at home!
Get the Cosmo Kama Sutra book of positions. (about $9 at Amazon) - No...I don't get a kick back, but thank you for thinking of me. I'm recommending this book because it doesn't have photos of live people demonstrating the positions. It does have good visually instructional drawings, and clear easy to follow instruction.
Kama Sutra is an ancient Sanskrit word that loosely translates to mean " desire procedures ". It was (and still is) taught to Hindu boys and girls in India to help prepare them for marriage. From an American perspective, it was like your grade school sexual education classes, except it also taught techniques to help love making in marriage more enjoyable, and positions that could help with conception. It also trained young men and women sexuality ethics.(Devi, 2013, http://www.hinduhumanrights.info/the-kama-sutra-beyond-the-sex/)
Try to do all of them. Make up a few of your own. Become kung fu masters of Kama Sutra in the bedroom together. Remember to be patient, practice good communication skills, stretch first, make sure the kids are safe and occupied first, lock the bedroom door, and (most important) don't take it seriously. There is no pass/fail and the only contest is how unified you can be as a couple. have fun.
Happy Dating!
Marriage experts agree that regularly dating your spouse (even if you don't feel like it) is less costly than divorce. ;0)
Have you tried this one? It's cheap and great for LDS married couples with young children at home!
Get the Cosmo Kama Sutra book of positions. (about $9 at Amazon) - No...I don't get a kick back, but thank you for thinking of me. I'm recommending this book because it doesn't have photos of live people demonstrating the positions. It does have good visually instructional drawings, and clear easy to follow instruction.
Kama Sutra is an ancient Sanskrit word that loosely translates to mean " desire procedures ". It was (and still is) taught to Hindu boys and girls in India to help prepare them for marriage. From an American perspective, it was like your grade school sexual education classes, except it also taught techniques to help love making in marriage more enjoyable, and positions that could help with conception. It also trained young men and women sexuality ethics.(Devi, 2013, http://www.hinduhumanrights.info/the-kama-sutra-beyond-the-sex/)
Try to do all of them. Make up a few of your own. Become kung fu masters of Kama Sutra in the bedroom together. Remember to be patient, practice good communication skills, stretch first, make sure the kids are safe and occupied first, lock the bedroom door, and (most important) don't take it seriously. There is no pass/fail and the only contest is how unified you can be as a couple. have fun.
Happy Dating!
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) --- Winter Wonderland
A Very Merry Continue The Courtship Night to all you married lovers out there.
If you were wishing for a white Christmas, I think some of you may have got more than you bargained for. But, we can take a lemon and turn it into a lemon chiffon cake with a warm creamy Christmas spice sauce.
Today's totally free stuck at home (because you are blessed with small children or just because you're snowed in) date idea is to build a snow family together. Or, you can build an igloo and cuddle up inside with a candle and some snacks just for the two of you.
Happy Dating!
Here's a bonus: found this fun recipe for snow ice cream.
If you were wishing for a white Christmas, I think some of you may have got more than you bargained for. But, we can take a lemon and turn it into a lemon chiffon cake with a warm creamy Christmas spice sauce.
Today's totally free stuck at home (because you are blessed with small children or just because you're snowed in) date idea is to build a snow family together. Or, you can build an igloo and cuddle up inside with a candle and some snacks just for the two of you.
Happy Dating!
Here's a bonus: found this fun recipe for snow ice cream.
Friday, December 12, 2014
Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) -- Wrapped In Love
"Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do
things together – just the two of you.
As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together as a couple. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling.
It doesn’t need to be costly. The time together is the most important element."
~Elder Joe J. Christensen, 1995
This can something as simple as closing yourselves off in a room and wrapping presents together. Play some Christmas music. Wrap presents naked. Wrap each other in leftover Christmas wrap. Include some treats. When you're done, wrap yourselves around each other.
Here's a tip - how about having sex first? Sex alleviates tension, floods the system with endorphins (a natural feel-good drug), and oxytocin (bonding drug) that both improve mood and assist in making conversation more pleasant.
In her sexless marriage talks and writings, Michele Weiner-Davis said that many married couples report having their best conversations after sex. (Weiner-Davis 2012)
Happy dating!
As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together as a couple. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling.
It doesn’t need to be costly. The time together is the most important element."
~Elder Joe J. Christensen, 1995
This can something as simple as closing yourselves off in a room and wrapping presents together. Play some Christmas music. Wrap presents naked. Wrap each other in leftover Christmas wrap. Include some treats. When you're done, wrap yourselves around each other.
Here's a tip - how about having sex first? Sex alleviates tension, floods the system with endorphins (a natural feel-good drug), and oxytocin (bonding drug) that both improve mood and assist in making conversation more pleasant.
In her sexless marriage talks and writings, Michele Weiner-Davis said that many married couples report having their best conversations after sex. (Weiner-Davis 2012)
Happy dating!
Friday, December 5, 2014
Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) --- Christmas Quickies and Cookies
A Very Merry Continue-The-Courtship Night everyone! (It's fun being a member of an exclusive club of married folks)
"Couples should work toward complete mutual fulfillment in every lovemaking experience, but sometimes that may not be possible due to energy and/or time constraints. You may both decide to enjoy a "quickie" together when only a few moments are available or when one of you isn't in the mood for 'gourmet' sex.
A quickie most likely will not provide sufficient time and/or stimulation for the wife to reach orgasm, but if your attitude is right and circumstances are such, a quickie can be like a little gift. Quickies can be okay, as long as they are mutually agreed upon and do not become the regular fare." (Laura M. Brotherson,2004)
Tonight's activity: Have a quickie, and bake some Christmas cookies together.
Here's a fun video of how to make these easy quick Linzer Christmas cookies or Italian Christmas cookies made with anise.
Fun Fact: Did you that our sexual desire and food appetite are governed by the same part of the brain? The Lymbic System! So naturally, this is an excellent way to satisfy both parts of this part of the brain and get some extra dopamine - the wellbeing chemical.
Happy dating!
!
"Couples should work toward complete mutual fulfillment in every lovemaking experience, but sometimes that may not be possible due to energy and/or time constraints. You may both decide to enjoy a "quickie" together when only a few moments are available or when one of you isn't in the mood for 'gourmet' sex.
A quickie most likely will not provide sufficient time and/or stimulation for the wife to reach orgasm, but if your attitude is right and circumstances are such, a quickie can be like a little gift. Quickies can be okay, as long as they are mutually agreed upon and do not become the regular fare." (Laura M. Brotherson,2004)
Tonight's activity: Have a quickie, and bake some Christmas cookies together.
Here's a fun video of how to make these easy quick Linzer Christmas cookies or Italian Christmas cookies made with anise.
Fun Fact: Did you that our sexual desire and food appetite are governed by the same part of the brain? The Lymbic System! So naturally, this is an excellent way to satisfy both parts of this part of the brain and get some extra dopamine - the wellbeing chemical.
Happy dating!
Friday, November 28, 2014
CTC Night (At Home) --- REALLY Thankful
Hello all you married lovers out there. Here's a fun stuck at home BYHSC date idea:
Write 25 things that you are thankful for about your spouse, and then share it with each other.
Also, the holidays are a great time for dates when you have small children. It gives you a chance to get out and go somewhere and get back into boyfriend/girlfriend mode. Having lots of family around means "FREE BABYSITTING". Take advantage of it! Let them know as family you can return the favor to newer generations of newlyweds in the family.
Add this wonderful tradition to your wider family traditions.
What better gift to give this holiday season than the gift of an eternally lasting relationship.
Happy Dating
Write 25 things that you are thankful for about your spouse, and then share it with each other.
Also, the holidays are a great time for dates when you have small children. It gives you a chance to get out and go somewhere and get back into boyfriend/girlfriend mode. Having lots of family around means "FREE BABYSITTING". Take advantage of it! Let them know as family you can return the favor to newer generations of newlyweds in the family.
Add this wonderful tradition to your wider family traditions.
What better gift to give this holiday season than the gift of an eternally lasting relationship.
Happy Dating
Friday, November 14, 2014
CTC Night (At Home) -- Feeding The Flame
This one is one of my favorites for helping me reignite the original flame. When your marriage settles into a comfort zone and the passion starts to flicker try this:
Re-live the past:
One of the techniques therapists use to bring a couple back together is help them remember why they got married in the first place. Why wait for a therapist? You can remind yourself regularly and watch it bring that spark back into your relationship
Make a nice meal, or get some take out
Break out the wedding photos and look through them together
When was the last time you looked through your school yearbooks together? Take advantage of the fun of sharing the good times and bad times of those periods in your lives and remembering what brought you two together in the first place.
Happy Dating!
Re-live the past:
One of the techniques therapists use to bring a couple back together is help them remember why they got married in the first place. Why wait for a therapist? You can remind yourself regularly and watch it bring that spark back into your relationship
Make a nice meal, or get some take out
Break out the wedding photos and look through them together
When was the last time you looked through your school yearbooks together? Take advantage of the fun of sharing the good times and bad times of those periods in your lives and remembering what brought you two together in the first place.
Happy Dating!
Friday, November 7, 2014
Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) -- Wholesome Marital Intimacy Gear
YEA! It's Continue-The-Courtship Night!
Tonight it's his turn:
It's not totally free, but doesn't have to be terribly expensive either. Shop for and try out a new sex toy together.
I've not found anything in gospel doctrine or the scriptures that prohibit the use of any apparatus or device in marital sexually intimate activities. In fact, just the opposite. I believe all creations and inventions are inspired by our Father in Heaven and are for the intent to do good.
It is the Adversary who inspires their use for evil. Sex toys are an excellent example. There are many couples who (due to physical disabilities or limitations) struggle to have sexually intimate relations with their spouse, or are incapable of reaching the full sexually bonding experience without the aid of a sex toy.
We keep the use of these tools sacred by using them in the bonds of marriage to bring a couple closer together and strengthen their eternal relationship.
It would be a good idea to discuss first how you both feel about using it and any concerns. Practice being open-minded and respectful of each other's feelings. The gadget can be for you or him or both.
Discuss how you would go about getting what you want. I recommend going online as opposed to going to a store. If you do go online, look for a vendor that is tastefully done, (ie. no nudity, profane language, etc...), tastefully displayed, and won't send you flyers in the mail.
Doing a Google search for “Christian Sex Toys” will help you find several vendors that have a wide selection but exclude any nudity or sexually profane images and will often give a description of what the product was designed for.
If this brings up concerns you can't resolve together, a qualified LDS sex therapist is always ready to help or drop me a line @ samzaragoza@sbcglobal.net.
Happy Dating!
Tonight it's his turn:
It's not totally free, but doesn't have to be terribly expensive either. Shop for and try out a new sex toy together.
I've not found anything in gospel doctrine or the scriptures that prohibit the use of any apparatus or device in marital sexually intimate activities. In fact, just the opposite. I believe all creations and inventions are inspired by our Father in Heaven and are for the intent to do good.
It is the Adversary who inspires their use for evil. Sex toys are an excellent example. There are many couples who (due to physical disabilities or limitations) struggle to have sexually intimate relations with their spouse, or are incapable of reaching the full sexually bonding experience without the aid of a sex toy.
We keep the use of these tools sacred by using them in the bonds of marriage to bring a couple closer together and strengthen their eternal relationship.
It would be a good idea to discuss first how you both feel about using it and any concerns. Practice being open-minded and respectful of each other's feelings. The gadget can be for you or him or both.
Discuss how you would go about getting what you want. I recommend going online as opposed to going to a store. If you do go online, look for a vendor that is tastefully done, (ie. no nudity, profane language, etc...), tastefully displayed, and won't send you flyers in the mail.
Doing a Google search for “Christian Sex Toys” will help you find several vendors that have a wide selection but exclude any nudity or sexually profane images and will often give a description of what the product was designed for.
If this brings up concerns you can't resolve together, a qualified LDS sex therapist is always ready to help or drop me a line @ samzaragoza@sbcglobal.net.
Happy Dating!
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