marriage bed symbol

marriage bed symbol

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Anthroplogy vs God's Definition of Marriage



I'm recalling one of the courses I completed in anthropology, and through this class, became aware of some different perspectives that other cultures hold about marriage and similar unions that make up family units.

Anthropology is a most interesting study. What anthropology asks is that we practice cultural relativism – that is: suspend judgment of other people’s practices until we understand them in our own cultural terms.

However, it is up to each individual to apply their own religious convictions, internalized controls, conscience, and ethics in determining what is right and what is wrong. Anthropology cannot do this for us.

Its purpose is to help us respect everyone’s right to act according to the dictates of their own conscious, find beauty in the creativity of mankind, and preserve the cultures and languages created by all ethnic groups.

The most glaring lesson I have taken from the whole experience is that the world cannot depend on anthropology to establish an all-inclusive moral or ethic character for the world. Because of its empirical (equalizing, puts everyone on the same level) and holistic (reserves judgment until after learning all the facts) perspective, restrictions and ethics, all anthropology can do is identify and define what IS, not what is right or what is wrong. 

Cultural relativism is only a temporary tool that has built into it the ability to make judgments. It does not automatically establish that every culture’s practices are morally or ethically right and correct for them, or for everyone in the world.

If anthropologists had political power to create and enforce law and were allowed to create for us the standard of morality and ethics that applies for everyone, slavery, apartheid, Nazism, and the Indian caste system might still exist as acceptable cultural institutions, because it seeks to preserve and respect all cultural forms. They would only require that everyone understand, not correct, or try to change, disrupt or eliminate a uniquely developed culture.

They would establish a prime directive if you will. Do not disrupt, interfere, or alter the development of any culture no matter how small or insignificant.

Anthropology is a science. It is a science of observation. It is not a ruling government body or giver of religious, moral or ethical standards for society to follow.

Yet many anthropologist and those in secular society attempt to use the finding of anthropologists to justify homosexual marriage, cohabitation, abortion and extramarital affairs as moral, ethical, and socially acceptable practices.

They will claim this by using some obscure cultures in the world that practice these, while completely ignoring the fact that those cultures that entertain these practices are nature and sexuality worshiping religions.

Those that are of Christian, Jewish, or Muslim generally do not share these beliefs, and even recognize those practices as morally incorrect and counter productive to the sustaining of a healthy society.

To exhibit how we cannot depend on anthropology to define our global moral ethics, they cannot even agree on a definition for marriage.

One group of anthropologists tried to be inclusive of all marriage practices by creating their own universal definition as:


“A culturally sanctioned union between two or more people that establishes certain rights and obligations between the people, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws. Such marriage rights and obligations most often include, but are not limited to, sex, labor, property, childrearing, exchange, and status. Thus defined, marriage is universal.” (Haviland, Pins, McBride, Walrath, 2014)


Even my professor attempted to justify this line of thinking through his powerpoint presentation by listing his “three arguments against same sex marriage.”

The one that particularly stood out to me as a glaring contradiction was:

All Marriages are between Men and Women
        Same-sex marriages have been documented not only in a number of societies in Africa, but in other parts of the world as well. Anthropologists define marriage as unions between “people”, not man and women, because not all marriages are male and female based.” (Todd, 2014, p.30)

I found this to be contradiction because at the same time another group of anthropologists say “It is true that virtually every society in the world has an institution that is very tempting to label as “marriage,” but these institutions simply do not share common characteristics.” (Podolefsky, Brown, Lacy, 2013)

Many cultures have customs that help legitimize birthrights and family lines, but even they do not call it marriage. We have put that label on their socioeconomic cultural practice. An example of this would be the Hindu practicing Nayar of Kerala India.

This culture’s practices are used to justify gay marriage and adultery by anthropologists. Among the Nayar, they don’t have a practice they call marriage or a word for marriage. The word they do use translates to “tying rite.”

This “tying rite” allows for multiple men, begins when a man brings the family linen. The couple have no obligation to each other, and the marriage ends when the woman says it does. (Haviland, William A; Prins, Harald E.L.; McBride, Bunny; Walrath, Dana, 2014,p.202-203)

My findings are that the Lord’s definition of marriage is not in danger of anthropology or any sciences defaming its validity or moral, ethical and spiritual foundations.


“…trust no one to be your teacher nor your minister, except he be a man of God, walking in his ways and keeping his commandments.” (Mosiah 23:14)


Though the world and science may deride, I choose to stay with the Lord’s definition:


The Family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.

Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

 By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”
(Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102)



References:

Haviland, William A; Prins, Harald E.L.; McBride, Bunny; Walrath, Dana, (2014) Cultural Anthropology The Human Experience. (14th ed.). Wadsworth, Cengage Learning.

Sadasivan, S.N. (2000), A Social History of India., S.B. Nangia, A.P.H. Publishing Corporation. Retrieved November 8, 2014 from http://books.google.com/books

Todd, Jesse, 2014, Brookhaven College, 2014 Cultural Anthropology Chapter 9 Powerpoint presentation

Podolefsky, Aaron; Brown, Peter J.; Lacy, Scott M., (2013) Applying Cultural Anthropology. (9th ed.). McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Languages


Friday, December 26, 2014

Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) -- Become Masters of Kama Sutra

HAPPY CONTINUE - THE - COURTSHIP NIGHT!

Marriage experts agree that regularly dating your spouse (even if you don't feel like it) is less costly than divorce. ;0)

Have you tried this one? It's cheap and great for LDS married couples with young children at home!

Get the Cosmo Kama Sutra book of positions. (about $9 at Amazon) - No...I don't get a kick back, but thank you for thinking of me. I'm recommending this book because it doesn't have photos of live people demonstrating the positions. It does have good visually instructional drawings, and clear easy to follow instruction.


Kama Sutra is an ancient Sanskrit word that loosely translates to mean " desire procedures ".  It was (and still is) taught to Hindu boys and girls in India to help prepare them for marriage. From an American perspective, it was like your grade school sexual education classes, except it also taught techniques to help love making in marriage more enjoyable, and positions that could help with conception. It also trained young men and women sexuality ethics.(Devi, 2013, http://www.hinduhumanrights.info/the-kama-sutra-beyond-the-sex/)

Try to do all of them. Make up a few of your own. Become kung fu masters of Kama Sutra in the bedroom together. Remember to be patient, practice good communication skills, stretch first, make sure the kids are safe and occupied first, lock the bedroom door, and (most important) don't take it seriously. There is no pass/fail and the only contest is how unified you can be as a couple. have fun.

Happy Dating!



Saturday, December 20, 2014

Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) --- Winter Wonderland

A Very Merry  Continue The Courtship Night to all you married lovers out there.

If you were wishing for a white Christmas, I think some of you may have got more than you bargained for. But, we can take a lemon and turn it into a  lemon chiffon cake with a warm creamy Christmas spice sauce.

Today's totally free stuck at home (because you are blessed with small children or just because you're snowed in) date idea is to build a snow family together. Or, you can build an igloo and cuddle up inside with a candle and some snacks just for the two of you.

Happy Dating!



Here's a bonus: found this fun recipe for snow ice cream.



Friday, December 12, 2014

Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) -- Wrapped In Love

"Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do things together – just the two of you. 

As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together as a couple. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling.

It doesn’t need to be costly. The time together is the most important element."
~Elder Joe J. Christensen, 1995


This can something as simple as closing yourselves off in a room and wrapping presents together. Play some Christmas music. Wrap presents naked. Wrap each other in leftover Christmas wrap. Include some treats. When you're done, wrap yourselves around each other. 

Here's a tip - how about having sex first? Sex alleviates tension, floods the system with endorphins (a natural feel-good drug), and oxytocin (bonding drug) that both improve mood and assist in making conversation more pleasant. 

In her sexless marriage talks and writings, Michele Weiner-Davis said that many married couples report having their best conversations after sex. (Weiner-Davis 2012)

Happy dating!


 

Friday, December 5, 2014

Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) --- Christmas Quickies and Cookies

A Very Merry Continue-The-Courtship Night everyone! (It's fun being a member of an exclusive club of married folks)

"Couples should work toward complete mutual fulfillment in every lovemaking experience, but sometimes that may not be possible due to energy and/or time constraints. You may both decide to enjoy a "quickie" together when only a few moments are available or when one of you isn't in the mood for 'gourmet' sex.


A quickie most likely will not provide sufficient time and/or stimulation for the wife to reach orgasm, but if your attitude is right and circumstances are such, a quickie can be like a little gift. Quickies can be okay, as long as they are mutually agreed upon and do not become the regular fare." (Laura M. Brotherson,2004)

Tonight's activity: Have a quickie, and bake some Christmas cookies together.
Here's a fun video of how to make these easy quick Linzer Christmas cookies or Italian Christmas cookies made with anise. 


Fun Fact: Did you that our sexual desire and food appetite are governed by the same part of the brain? The Lymbic System! So naturally, this is an excellent way to satisfy both parts of this part of the brain and get some extra dopamine - the wellbeing chemical.






Happy dating!





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Friday, November 28, 2014

CTC Night (At Home) --- REALLY Thankful

Hello all you married lovers out there. Here's a fun stuck at home BYHSC date idea:

Write 25 things that you are thankful for about your spouse, and then share it with each other.

Also, the holidays are a great time for dates when you have small children. It gives you a chance to get out and go somewhere and get back into boyfriend/girlfriend mode. Having lots of family around means "FREE BABYSITTING". Take advantage of it! Let them know as family you can return the favor to newer generations of newlyweds in the family. 


Add this wonderful tradition to your wider family traditions. 


What better gift to give this holiday season than the gift of an eternally lasting relationship.
 Happy Dating 



Friday, November 14, 2014

CTC Night (At Home) -- Feeding The Flame

This one is one of my favorites for helping me reignite the original flame. When your marriage settles into a  comfort zone and the passion starts to flicker try this:

Re-live the past:


One of the techniques therapists use to bring a couple back together is help them remember why they got married in the first place. Why wait for a therapist? You can remind yourself regularly and watch it bring that spark back into your relationship


Make a nice meal, or get some take out
Break out the wedding photos and look through them together
When was the last time you looked through your school yearbooks together? Take advantage of the fun of sharing the good times and bad times of those periods in your lives and remembering what brought you two together in the first place.


Happy Dating! 



Friday, November 7, 2014

Continue - The - Courtship Night (At Home) -- Wholesome Marital Intimacy Gear

YEA! It's Continue-The-Courtship Night!

Tonight it's his turn:

It's not totally free, but doesn't have to be terribly expensive either. Shop for and try out a new sex toy together.  


I've not found anything in gospel doctrine or the scriptures that prohibit the use of  any apparatus or device in marital sexually intimate activities. In fact, just the opposite. I believe all creations and inventions are inspired by our Father in Heaven and are for the intent to do good. 

It is the Adversary who inspires their use for evil. Sex toys are an excellent example. There are many couples who (due to physical disabilities or limitations) struggle to have sexually intimate relations with their spouse, or are incapable of reaching the full sexually bonding experience without the aid of a sex toy. 

We keep the use of these tools sacred by using them in the bonds of marriage to bring a couple closer together and strengthen their eternal relationship.

It would be a good idea to discuss first how you both feel about using it and any concerns. Practice being open-minded and respectful of each other's feelings. The gadget can be for you or him or both.

Discuss how you would go about getting what you want. I recommend going online as opposed to going to a store. If you do go online, look for a vendor that is tastefully done, (ie. no nudity, profane language, etc...), tastefully displayed, and won't send you flyers in the mail.

Doing a Google search for “Christian Sex Toys” will help you find several vendors that have a wide selection but exclude  any nudity or sexually profane images and will often give a description of what the product was designed for.

If this brings up concerns you can't resolve together, a qualified LDS sex therapist is always ready to help or drop me a line @ samzaragoza@sbcglobal.net.
 
Happy Dating!



Friday, October 31, 2014

Happy Continue - The - Courtship Night --- All Saints Day Eve

It's hard to pick just one idea for a Halloween Date - because there are SO many.

It's a night for the kids, but that doesn't mean there can't be some Mama and Papa time in there too.

All Saints Day Eve is a perfect time for some fantasy and role play in the bedroom - because there are some fun costume ideas all around you and many are very cheap, and many of them are probably only appropriate for a married couple's bedroom anyway. 

Wearing them to a costume party would be provocative and profane YES! But, a husband and wife wearing them (in the bedroom) to arouse each other is sacred erotica and a sacred wholesome activity!  Reclaim that birthright from the world.

Masks
Boas
fishnet stockings
Buttless chaps
Cowboy/Cowgirl costumes
Shepherd boy/girl costumes
Nurse
French maid
Superhero
Etc...

Write your own fantasy and playing out together, or make it up as you go along. Be hammy and make it fun.

Here are 50 more wholesome Halloween date ideas from the dating divas: Happy Dating!

http://www.thedatingdivas.com/just-the-two-of-us/50-fun-fall-date-ideas/





Friday, October 24, 2014

Continue - The -Courtship Night (At Home) --- FALL In Love

Happy Contiue - The - Courtship Night everyone! 

I love the fall. The weather is cooler. Allergens are down, the bugs are starting to go away, and Mother Nature is changing into her most festive gowns. What a great time to get outside and be a part of it together.

Fall also usually means that the leaves are falling in your yard, but oh, what an opportunity!

For this totally free stuck-at-home date night idea, MAKE PILES OF LEAVES AND JUMP IN THEM!

A great fall activity for anyone. If you don’t have a yard of your own borrow the park's leaves and go make piles there.


In addition, working in the yard together is great exercise and facilitates pleasant conversations. Working up a sweat together also releases endorphins and testosterone into the bloodstream for both sexes.  These chemicals are what kick up the mood to engage in more intimate activities.

Happy Dating!


Monday, October 20, 2014

Gospel Doctrine or Cultural Myth: Temple Married Members Don’t Make Love Naked



You may have heard the stories. I’ve heard several.

 For example, the brother who claims that there is never a reason to take off the temple garment and all of his children were conceived while wearing them. The sister who was so unsure about when it was appropriate to take off the garment that she never took them off and even bathed in them. I also heard one story of a temple matron who was teaching that the garment must be touching the skin at all times and nothing should be worn underneath the garment.

The Lord Jesus Christ taught us that we should be living by the spirit of the law and not do as the Pharisees do with the doctrine by looking for a letter of the law in every little detail, while ignoring the purpose of the doctrine. (Matthew 23:23-24 )

I believe this also applies to the wearing of our sacred garments. When it comes to making love to our spouse, I have found nothing that supports the belief that we should never take them off. What I have found is instruction that there are times when it can be considered inappropriate to wear them and in following the "spirit of the law" is between the wearer and the Lord.
“Wearing and Caring for the Garment

Church members who have received the endowment have made a covenant to wear the garment according to the instructions given in the temple. When issuing temple recommends, priesthood leaders should read aloud the First Presidency statement on wearing the garment. [Basically, the statement below. see https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/multimedia/file/first-presidency-temple-recommend-letter.pdf]

It is a sacred privilege to wear the temple garment. Doing so is an outward expression of an inner commitment to follow the Savior Jesus Christ.

The garment is a reminder of covenants made in the temple. When worn properly throughout life, it will serve as a protection against temptation and evil.

The garment should be worn beneath the outer clothing. It is a matter of personal preference whether other undergarments are worn beneath the temple garment.

The garment should not be removed for activities that can reasonably be done while wearing the garment. It should not be modified to accommodate different styles of clothing.

The garment is sacred and should be treated with respect. Endowed members should seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit to answer personal questions about wearing the garment.

(General Handbook:Temple Ordinances For The Living, 2020  27.3.5)
I was unable to see anything in this that suggests it is inappropriate to take the garment off while being sexually intimate with our spouse. For the full connected experience and bonding chemical releases of sexual intimacy to take place, there must be skin to skin contact.[1] This allows ions to be exchanged and chemical receptors to be activated. Always having something between you, I believe, allows a physical and psychological barrier that impedes complete mental, emotional, physical and spiritual connection. In this, I would consider sexual intimacy classified as an "inappropriate" time to wear the garment.
 
In addition, it is a sacred privilege to wear the garment, but the garment serves as a reminder of the covenant that we make. Therefore, the power is not in the garment, but in the covenant. The garment serves as a reminder of that covenant. (Deut. 10:16; Romans 2:25-29) 
 
Also, within that spirit of the law, by being sexually intimate with our spouse, are we not fulfilling the sacred temple covenants reserved for the highest ordinances in the temple? Sexuality in marriage is holy, it is sacred and marriage is the sacred place for that most holy rite to be exercised.

For this purpose, I have to put “myth” on the belief that we as married Saints are not allowed to take the garment off while having sex with our spouse. The only caveat with this I see is that the garment should be put back on as soon as possible. Because circumstances vary, a spirit - of - the - law provision is built in. We have some flexibility to decide when to put it back on, but also should keep in mind that it has nothing to do with the material garment itself. The garment is only a reminder of the deeper covenant we have made with the Lord.

We wear it and keep it on because we love the Lord and respect the promises contained in our covenants. We keep in mind that those covenants also help enable us to keep the spouse we proclaim to love and want to keep for eternity. It would do our marriage a disservice to focus it all on sexually pleasing our spouse while at the same time ignoring our covenants with God. But, as we say "let the Holy Spirit guide." After a lovemaking session, He's our best gauge of when it's time to put them back on.

To help quell any concerns about the appropriateness of discussing this sacred topic regarding the garment, I hope those with concerns will note that the directions for how the temple garment should be worn is posted by the church online for all to read: (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/selected-church-policies?lang=eng#21.1.42 )

The Church has also posted this video that openly discusses and shows the sacred temple garment in an effort to also help dispel any myths or concerns outsiders have about our faith. It is also done in the hopes of dispelling prejudice toward our faith through education. The video can be seen below or on YouTube.

I will accept any honest questions, but ask that all be respectful with addressing this sacred topic. Disrespectful comments will be deleted.


References:
[1] Uvnas-Moberg, Handlin, Petersson, Self-soothing behaviors with particular reference to oxytocin release induced by non-noxious sensory stimulation, NCBI (Jan. 12,2014) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4290532/