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Monday, October 20, 2014
Gospel Doctrine or Cultural Myth: Temple Married Members Don’t Make Love Naked
You may have heard the stories. I’ve heard several.
For
example, the brother who claims that there is never a reason to take off the
temple garment and all of his children were conceived while wearing them. The
sister who was so unsure about when it was appropriate to take off the garment
that she never took them off and even bathed in them. I also heard one story of
a temple matron who was teaching that the garment must be touching the skin at all
times and nothing should be worn underneath the garment.
The Lord Jesus Christ taught us that we should be living by
the spirit of the law and not do as the Pharisees do with the doctrine by
looking for a letter of the law in every little detail, while ignoring the purpose of the doctrine. (Matthew 23:23-24 )
I believe this also applies to the wearing of our sacred
garments. When it comes to making love to our spouse, I have found nothing that
supports the belief that we should never take them off. What I have found is
instruction that there are times when it can be considered inappropriate to wear them and in following the "spirit of the law" is between the wearer and the Lord.
“Wearing and Caring for the Garment
Church
members who have received the endowment have made a covenant to wear
the garment according to the instructions given in the temple. When
issuing temple recommends, priesthood leaders should read aloud the
First Presidency statement on wearing the garment. [Basically, the statement below. see https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/multimedia/file/first-presidency-temple-recommend-letter.pdf]
It
is a sacred privilege to wear the temple garment. Doing so is an
outward expression of an inner commitment to follow the Savior Jesus
Christ.
The
garment is a reminder of covenants made in the temple. When worn
properly throughout life, it will serve as a protection against
temptation and evil.
The
garment should be worn beneath the outer clothing. It is a matter of
personal preference whether other undergarments are worn beneath the
temple garment.
The
garment should not be removed for activities that can reasonably be
done while wearing the garment. It should not be modified to accommodate
different styles of clothing.
The
garment is sacred and should be treated with respect. Endowed members
should seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit to answer personal questions
about wearing the garment.”
(General Handbook:Temple Ordinances For The Living, 2020 27.3.5)
I was unable to see anything in this
that suggests it is inappropriate to take the garment off while being sexually intimate with
our spouse. For the full connected experience and bonding chemical releases of sexual intimacy to take place, there must be skin to skin contact.[1] This allows ions to be exchanged and chemical receptors to be activated. Always having something between you, I believe, allows a physical and psychological barrier that impedes complete mental, emotional, physical and spiritual connection. In this, I would consider sexual intimacy classified as an "inappropriate" time to wear the garment.
In addition, it is a sacred privilege to wear the garment, but the garment serves as a reminder of the covenant that we make. Therefore, the power is not in the garment, but in the covenant. The garment serves as a reminder of that covenant. (Deut. 10:16; Romans 2:25-29)
Also, within that spirit of the law, by being sexually intimate with our spouse, are we not fulfilling the sacred temple covenants reserved for the highest ordinances in the temple? Sexuality in marriage is holy, it is sacred and marriage is the sacred place for that most holy rite to be exercised.
For
this purpose, I have to put “myth” on the belief that we as married Saints are
not allowed to take the garment off while having sex with our spouse. The only
caveat with this I see is that the garment should be put back on as soon as possible. Because circumstances vary, a spirit - of - the - law provision is built in. We have some flexibility to decide when to put it back on, but also should keep in mind that it has nothing to do with the material garment itself. The garment is only a reminder of the deeper covenant we have made with the Lord.
We wear it and keep it on because we love the Lord and respect the promises contained in our covenants. We keep in mind that those covenants also help enable us to keep the spouse we proclaim to love and want to keep for eternity. It would do our marriage a disservice to focus it all on sexually pleasing our spouse while at the same time ignoring our covenants with God. But, as we say "let the Holy Spirit guide." After a lovemaking session, He's our best gauge of when it's time to put them back on.
The
Church has also posted this video that openly discusses and shows the sacred
temple garment in an effort to also help dispel any myths or concerns outsiders
have about our faith. It is also done in the hopes of dispelling prejudice
toward our faith through education. The video can be seen below or on YouTube.
I
will accept any honest questions, but ask that all be respectful with
addressing this sacred topic. Disrespectful comments will be deleted.
References:
[1] Uvnas-Moberg, Handlin, Petersson,Self-soothing behaviors with particular reference to oxytocin release induced by non-noxious sensory stimulation, NCBI (Jan. 12,2014) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4290532/
Overall I find your post reasonable and agreeable. I would like to think that we as church members have moved well beyond this this type of thinking (or belief, or whatever you want to call it), but sadly, I'm sure there are still members referring to old First Presidency letters retracted soon after they were released in the early 80's, so all bets are off on how much this needs to be said.
I will quibble (because I'm like that) with just one statement you made
"I only see that the garment must be put back on immediately after we are done with the activity."
Of course, you may not be implying anything like I might think you might be implying, but because this is as such an authoritative church and many members are seemingly ill-equipped to deal in shades of grey, I see where that statement (especially since it's not being handed down from an authority) could be problematic for some members.
You left out what I believe is the most salient part of the statement that we as bishoprics and stake presidencies are to read to every member renewing their temple recommend (I am currently serving as a Bishop). That is
"Members who have made covenants in the temple should be guided by the Holy Spirit to answer for themselves personal questions about wearing the garment."
I don't believe that it is useful to make such declarative statements as "immediately". That just opens up a big can of worms. Like, what is "immediately"? Does that preclude post-coital cuddling without garments being worn? And if not, then for how long is appropriate? What if you fall asleep in post-coital embrace with the garments off? Is that wrong? Is it even considered sinful?
And then what "activities" would you consider to be condoned sans garments? Strictly when intercourse is involved? Or are there other forms of marital intimacy that may take place between and husband and wife without garments being worn that are acceptable?
I'm not trying to argumentative here. Just trying to point out the slippery slope that develops when making such declarative statements. That is why it I believe that it is more important for individuals and couples to seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit as opposed to seeking interpretation and "permission" from a blog post. When individuals ask me for guidance, I simply smile and refer them back to that statement. The questions they have must be answered by themselves with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Thank you so much for reading and for your well thought-out comment.
I wholeheartedly agree and greatly appreciate you making that clarification.
Follow what the Spirit directs is exactly what I try to teach here.
To quote the Handbook of instruction of what it actually says is "When they must remove the garment, such as for swimming, they should put it back on as soon as possible."
So you're right. It does not say "immediately after."
I hope any reading this will also do their homework and read what the official sources say, and above all, follow what the Holy Ghost directs.
I consider afterglow every bit as much a part of being intimate as foreplay and intercourse, so I don't feel a compulsion to leap out of bed the instant after my climax and race to put them back on like somebody up there has a stopwatch to time me. When we are ready to move from afterglow to sleep or whatever, then we'll put them on but sometimes that is quite a while after climax. The garments are symbols, they are not imbued with mystical powers and should not be thought of like that.
4 comments:
Overall I find your post reasonable and agreeable. I would like to think that we as church members have moved well beyond this this type of thinking (or belief, or whatever you want to call it), but sadly, I'm sure there are still members referring to old First Presidency letters retracted soon after they were released in the early 80's, so all bets are off on how much this needs to be said.
I will quibble (because I'm like that) with just one statement you made
"I only see that the garment must be put back on immediately after we are done with the activity."
Of course, you may not be implying anything like I might think you might be implying, but because this is as such an authoritative church and many members are seemingly ill-equipped to deal in shades of grey, I see where that statement (especially since it's not being handed down from an authority) could be problematic for some members.
You left out what I believe is the most salient part of the statement that we as bishoprics and stake presidencies are to read to every member renewing their temple recommend (I am currently serving as a Bishop). That is
"Members who have made covenants in the temple should be guided by the Holy Spirit to answer for themselves personal questions about wearing the garment."
I don't believe that it is useful to make such declarative statements as "immediately". That just opens up a big can of worms. Like, what is "immediately"? Does that preclude post-coital cuddling without garments being worn? And if not, then for how long is appropriate? What if you fall asleep in post-coital embrace with the garments off? Is that wrong? Is it even considered sinful?
And then what "activities" would you consider to be condoned sans garments? Strictly when intercourse is involved? Or are there other forms of marital intimacy that may take place between and husband and wife without garments being worn that are acceptable?
I'm not trying to argumentative here. Just trying to point out the slippery slope that develops when making such declarative statements. That is why it I believe that it is more important for individuals and couples to seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit as opposed to seeking interpretation and "permission" from a blog post. When individuals ask me for guidance, I simply smile and refer them back to that statement. The questions they have must be answered by themselves with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Dear Bishop? Thyme,
Thank you so much for reading and for your well thought-out comment.
I wholeheartedly agree and greatly appreciate you making that clarification.
Follow what the Spirit directs is exactly what I try to teach here.
To quote the Handbook of instruction of what it actually says is "When they must remove the garment, such as for swimming, they should put it back on as soon as possible."
So you're right. It does not say "immediately after."
I hope any reading this will also do their homework and read what the official sources say, and above all, follow what the Holy Ghost directs.
I will review and re-edit the article.
Thank you again.
I consider afterglow every bit as much a part of being intimate as foreplay and intercourse, so I don't feel a compulsion to leap out of bed the instant after my climax and race to put them back on like somebody up there has a stopwatch to time me. When we are ready to move from afterglow to sleep or whatever, then we'll put them on but sometimes that is quite a while after climax. The garments are symbols, they are not imbued with mystical powers and should not be thought of like that.
Thank you for sharing your insights and perspective Latter-Day Marriage. :-)
Very helpful.
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