The Feminization of Love

 This is a summarized version of an article I wanted to share with you. Feel free to leave comments below.

"Are men less loving because they equate love with sex?...the fault lies not in men, but in women's definitions of "loving", which ignore masculine styles of showing affection.

Francesca Cancian (1990: 171) calls excluding men's ways of showing affection the "feminization of love." Because...men rarely get credit for the kinds of loving actions that are more typical of them. - Carol Tavris (1992:255)

...a man who is a good provider, who changes the oil in his wife's car, or who fixes his child's bike is showing just as much love as the wife who tells her husband she loves him and shares her innermost thoughts and feelings with him.

There are several negative consequences of the feminization of love:

1. It assumes that women need love more than men and are more dependent on men for emotional satisfaction.

2. Emphasizing only the expressive side of love ignores or diminishes the importance of women's instrumental activities - such as working to help provide financially for the family.

3. The feminization of love intensifies the conflicts over intimacy between men and women. As the wife demands more verbal contact, the husband feels increased pressure and withdraws.

The wife then intensifies her efforts to get closer. This leads to a vicious cycle where neither spouse gets what she or he wants.


As the definition of love becomes more feminized, men and women move father apart rather than closer together. - Tucker (1992)

One way to break this cycle is to give both men and women credit for the things they do to show their love for each other and for their families.

~ From "Do I love you? I changed your oil, didn't I", taken from Marriages and Families, Benokraitis (2005, 155)