Therapist Tips on How To Improve The Quality Of The Sex In Your Marriage

  WARNING: This post contains a topic of a sacred sexual nature and is intended for married readers only. Those who are currently unmarried are advised to keep to the standards of the Church and refrain from reading the married sexual instruction that follows.

 

...The Carnegie Mellon results suggest that [sacred] erotic quality is more important than [sacred] erotic quantity. No matter how often you have sex."

See below for some tips therapists recommend for increasing its quality:

*SCHEDULE IT. The myth is that sex “just happens” when spouses are “in the mood.” The problem is that after the hot-and-heavy period, one spouse is usually in the mood a good deal more than the other, and conflict ensues. To reach mutual accommodation, sex therapists urge couples to negotiate a mutually acceptable monthly frequency, and then pull out their calendars and schedule sex lovemaking dates.

 

 Scheduling may feel artificial at first, but it goes a long way toward eliminating conflicts over frequency. The husband or wife with less libido usually objects to scheduling—

What if we have a sex date scheduled and I’m not in the mood? That’s possible, of course, but once relieved of the stress of saying “no” to constant pleas, the vast majority of lower-libido lovers feel so relieved that they have little difficulty psyching themselves when sex is scheduled.

*WARM UP OUT OF BED. Before you undress, cuddle on the sofa, chat about your day, trade foot massages, or do other little things together that bring you closer.

 

Shower, together or separately. Sex is best when spouses feel relaxed. Showering is relaxing. It also eases hygiene concerns.

 

Create an erotic mood. Put out clean sheets. Light candles or keep curtains slightly open. Play music. And begin dressed.

 

Do the opposite of profane erotica. In profane erotica, sex is 95 percent genital, and only 5 percent kissing, embracing, and caressing. Flip this, because the best sex involves leisurely, playful, whole-body mutual massage.

Many women say it takes them a good 30 minutes of sensual play to warm up. Postponing intercourse also helps men maintain erections.

*TAKE TURNS GIVING AND RECEIVING PLEASURE. Simultaneous orgasms are as common as solar eclipses. Don't expect it or strive for it. Only 25 percent of women are reliably orgasmic during intercourse, no matter now long it lasts; most gentle, extended, direct caresses with fingers, tongue, or vibrator. Take turns helping each other to orgasm.

*COACH EACH OTHER ON WHAT YOU ENJOY.

You can simply say “yes” or “ahhh” when you enjoy what you’re receiving. Most lovers very quickly provide more of what elicits “ahhhs.”

*SAVOR THE AFTERGLOW. Don’t immediately jump out of bed. Hold each other. Perhaps whisper endearments.

~Michael Castleman, M.A., (2016, 1) Psychology Today,  with edits by Sam Zaragoza

 

For the full original article, click here: 

Would More Sex Really Make You and Your Partner Happier?

 

References

• Blanchflower, D.G. and A.J. Oswald. “Money, Sex, and Happiness: An Empirical Study,” Scandinavian Journal of Economics (2004) 106:393.
• Kahneman, D. et al. “Toward National Well-Being Accounts,” American Economic Review (2004) 94:429.
• Loewenstein, G. et al. “Does Increased Sexual Frequency Enhance Happiness?” Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization (2015) 116:206.
• Meston, CM and DM Buss. “Why Humans Have Sex,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (2007) 36:477.