Becoming A "Second Spouse"

I found this one in Achieving A Celestial Marriage" (1992,209-210). The book is out of print, which is why I wanted to share it here. It's kind of an old-fashioned idea, but I believe the principle is still there.

I found it important, especially when we consider that in today's cultural climate, women (and men) are waiting longer (even until their 40s) to get married and start a family. It appears Mormons are one of the last few that still recognize the value of marrying young. My wife and I were married at 21 and (now in our 40s) are seeing the fruits of that decision.

My wife says that she would totally re-write this from the opposite perspective. Perhaps I will, but the payoff is at the end of the quote. Please, before passing judgement, please read all the way to the end. Even better, brethren, how well do you know your wife?

"The day she reaches forty - the beginning of the middle years - a woman ought to consider seriously becoming her husband's "second wife".

By that age her job as mother is less demanding than in earlier years. Homaking should be easier for her; she should have some leisure time on her hands. She ought to use some of that leisure to take stock of her marriage.

The first question to ask herself is this: If I were to die and my husband were free tomorrow to marry again, what kind of wife would he choose? What would his second wife be like?

Any wife who understands her husband as well as a wife should, can figure out the answer to that question.

She will know, for instance, whether the next wife would be more glamorous than she, more sociable, more companionable, more light-hearted, more independent or more clinging.

So once a wife figures out what kind of woman her husband would choose as a second wife - if he had a chance to choose again in middle-age - there's nothing to prevent her from quietly setting out to be as near like his reconsidered choice as possible.

If she has never paid much attention to clothes and he as always admired well-dressed women, she can concentrate on looking her best.

If he loves the outdoors ans she has never cared for going along on fishing and hunting trips, she can give up a little comfort for the sake of being more companionable.

If she has been less socially inclined than her husband, she can make a real effort to make their home a more hospitable place.

Nothing would perk up a middle-aged marriage more than for a wife to try to be as much as possible like the woman she is pretty sure her husband would choose to succeed her - if he had to choose again.

The day he reaches forty - the beginning of the middle years - a man ought to seriously consider becoming...does more need to be said?"