CTC Night - At Home - New Years Reflection

Here's a great date idea to do when you're stuck at home (for whatever reason).

It's a good one to get you both talking, touching, and connecting. For you brethren, there is no more powerful aphrodisiac for your wife than conversation.

New years isn't just a time for resolutions, it's a time to review the goals you've set in the past.

It doesn't do any good to have a "vision board" if you never look at it.

This date night, put on a movie with some snacks for the kids (if they're small) and set up the baby monitor, then retreat to the bedroom. If you have reliable relatives visiting or can take them to grandma's, consider that option as well, but do your best to have 4 hours alone.

If you've made a 5 or 10 year goals list for your marriage, now is a good time to review and re-evaluate how you think you are doing to reach those goals. If you haven't made any goals, set some together.  Make the goal attainable. If the previous goals turn out to be a little unrealistic after reviewing them again, it's ok to let them go or whittle them down to be more attainable.

Some ideas to consider:

* Regular "Continue-The-Courtship" nights
* Better employment
*Education goals
*Retirement goals
*Death and burial wishes
*Fitness goals or diet changes that will require the participation of your spouse
* Perhaps moving to a better location
* Temple attendance
*Scripture study (personal and family)
*Holiday traditions to add/remove in the future
*Anger management
*Ways to improve communication
*Experimenting with something new sexually that the other spouse wants to try
*Learning a new sexual technique
* Having your first orgasm, learning how to help your spouse have an orgasm or how to make their sexual experience more pleasant if that is a challenge.
*Planning regular hotel trips
* Planning that cruise or European vacation in the next 5 years you've always wanted.

Really, anything you want, but that is the fun of this conversion is that there is no limit or restrictions on your wish list.

Then talk about what steps need to be taken to get there. You may have the makings of the next several dates to finish this list, but try to keep them attainable.

Most important, agree that no matter what the other person suggests, they will be free to express their idea without reproach or shaming  - no matter how weird or gross it may sound to you. It may be extremely important to the other. However, also agree to hear out the other's concerns.

Intimacy is not possible without conflict. Treat the conflict like a soccer ball. Kick it around between the two of you. And when you work out the conflict together, it strengthens your trust and intimacy.  You BOTH win.

Happy New Year! 

When Your Husband or Wife Was Not A Virgin

For my professional quote this week, I wanted to share this video made by married couple Paul and Morgan.  I’m grateful to them for sharing this very intimate and sacred part of their relationship in the hopes that others could learn and marriages edified from their experience. Please review it with reverence for the sacred nature of married sexuality. 

While the standard and goal of every Latter-Day Saint is to remain celibate and sexually pure before marriage, as well as engaging in sexuality in marriage with full fidelity, we are still human and fallible. 

Due to a multitude of circumstances, many LDS youth choose not to follow the Lord’s moral guidelines and give in to or succumb to their sexual appetites. Or, many of the Saints did not grow up in the Church and became members later in their lives.

 These members may not have lived a law of chastity, because it was not required of them in their youth.  So, what about them? Even though they repent and, through the atonement of Christ, do not feel the sting or burden of those sins, many of the consequences (latent or manifest) still remain. Morgan shares some of the emotional consequences she still struggles with.  How do we help these beloved converts move forward and have healthy eternal marriages? 

Morgan was sexually active with a previous boyfriend before she met Paul. Paul kept himself morally pure all the way to and through marriage. 

They each talk about and contrast their experiences. Something that stood out to me was Morgan admitting that her having been sexually active, even though she repented, created challenges for her while dating Paul. Challenges that did not pose as strong a challenge for Paul, because he had mastered his ability to bridle those powerful drives. 

Most important was Morgan sharing her temptation to keep her past a secret from her husband. By instead sharing and allowing Paul to know and understand her past, he was given an opportunity to demonstrate his love and commitment to Morgan by being allowed to carry that burden with her. Through this, they were both blessed.  It strengthened their friendship, bond and unity as married companions and friends. The complete opposite of what many (with a "past") expect. It's a way for us to be "saviors" to each other and use the tool of marriage for what it was intended - to become more like Christ.

 Their experience also helped to reinforce what I wrote in the The Four Marriage Killers “Secrets”  article.

Please click on the link below to hear Morgan and Paul’s experience.