When Your Husband or Wife Was Not A Virgin

For my professional quote this week, I wanted to share this video made by married couple Paul and Morgan.  I’m grateful to them for sharing this very intimate and sacred part of their relationship in the hopes that others could learn and marriages edified from their experience. Please review it with reverence for the sacred nature of married sexuality. 

While the standard and goal of every Latter-Day Saint is to remain celibate and sexually pure before marriage, as well as engaging in sexuality in marriage with full fidelity, we are still human and fallible. 

Due to a multitude of circumstances, many LDS youth choose not to follow the Lord’s moral guidelines and give in to or succumb to their sexual appetites. Or, many of the Saints did not grow up in the Church and became members later in their lives.

 These members may not have lived a law of chastity, because it was not required of them in their youth.  So, what about them? Even though they repent and, through the atonement of Christ, do not feel the sting or burden of those sins, many of the consequences (latent or manifest) still remain. Morgan shares some of the emotional consequences she still struggles with.  How do we help these beloved converts move forward and have healthy eternal marriages? 

Morgan was sexually active with a previous boyfriend before she met Paul. Paul kept himself morally pure all the way to and through marriage. 

They each talk about and contrast their experiences. Something that stood out to me was Morgan admitting that her having been sexually active, even though she repented, created challenges for her while dating Paul. Challenges that did not pose as strong a challenge for Paul, because he had mastered his ability to bridle those powerful drives. 

Most important was Morgan sharing her temptation to keep her past a secret from her husband. By instead sharing and allowing Paul to know and understand her past, he was given an opportunity to demonstrate his love and commitment to Morgan by being allowed to carry that burden with her. Through this, they were both blessed.  It strengthened their friendship, bond and unity as married companions and friends. The complete opposite of what many (with a "past") expect. It's a way for us to be "saviors" to each other and use the tool of marriage for what it was intended - to become more like Christ.

 Their experience also helped to reinforce what I wrote in the The Four Marriage Killers “Secrets”  article.

Please click on the link below to hear Morgan and Paul’s experience.