"Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do
things together – just the two of you.
As important as it is to be with
the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together as a couple.
Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling. It doesn’t need to be costly. The time together is the most important element." ~Elder Joe J. Christensen, 1995
This can something as simple as closing yourselves off in a room and wrapping presents together. Play some Christmas music. Wrap presents naked. Wrap each other in leftover Christmas wrap. Include some treats. When you're done, wrap yourselves around each other.
Here's a tip - how about having sex first? Sex alleviates tension, floods the system with endorphins (a natural feel-good drug), and oxytocin (bonding drug) that both improve mood and assist in making conversation more pleasant.
In her sexless marriage talks and writings, Michele Weiner-Davis said that many married couples report having their best conversations after sex. (Weiner-Davis 2012)
A Very Merry Continue-The-Courtship Night everyone! (It's fun being a member of an exclusive club of married folks)
"Couples should work toward complete mutual fulfillment in every
lovemaking experience, but sometimes that may not be possible due to
energy and/or time constraints. You may both decide to enjoy a
"quickie" together when only a few moments are available or when one of
you isn't in the mood for 'gourmet' sex. A quickie most likely will
not provide sufficient time and/or stimulation for the wife to reach
orgasm, but if your attitude is right and circumstances are such, a
quickie can be like a little gift. Quickies can be okay, as long as they
are mutually agreed upon and do not become the regular fare." (Laura
M. Brotherson,2004)
Tonight's activity: Have a quickie, and bake some Christmas cookies together. Here's a fun video of how to make these easy quick Linzer Christmas cookies or Italian Christmas cookies made with anise.
Fun Fact: Did you that our sexual desire and food appetite are governed by the same part of the brain? The Lymbic System! So naturally, this is an excellent way to satisfy both parts of this part of the brain and get some extra dopamine - the wellbeing chemical.
Hello all you married lovers out there. Here's a fun stuck at home BYHSC date idea:
Write 25 things that you are thankful for about your spouse, and then share it with each other.
Also, the holidays are a great time for dates when you have small
children. It gives you a chance to get out and go somewhere and get back
into boyfriend/girlfriend mode. Having lots of family around means
"FREE BABYSITTING". Take advantage of it! Let them know as family you can return the favor to newer generations of newlyweds in the family.
Add this wonderful tradition to your wider family traditions.
What better gift to give this holiday season than the gift of an eternally lasting relationship. Happy Dating
This one is one of my favorites for helping me reignite the original flame. When your marriage settles into a comfort zone and the passion starts to flicker try this:
Re-live the past:
One of the techniques therapists use to bring a couple back together is
help them remember why they got married in the first place. Why wait
for a therapist? You can remind yourself regularly and watch it bring
that spark back into your relationship Make a nice meal, or get some take out Break out the wedding photos and look through them together
When was the last time you looked through your school yearbooks
together? Take advantage of the fun of sharing the good times and bad
times of those periods in your lives and remembering what brought you
two together in the first place.
It's not totally free, but doesn't have to be terribly expensive either. Shop for and try out a new sex toy together.
I've not found anything in gospel doctrine or the scriptures that prohibit the use of any apparatus or device in marital sexually intimate activities. In fact, just the opposite. I believe all creations and inventions are inspired by our Father in Heaven and are for the intent to do good.
It is the Adversary who inspires their use for evil. Sex toys are an excellent example. There are many couples who (due to physical disabilities or limitations) struggle to have sexually intimate relations with their spouse, or are incapable of reaching the full sexually bonding experience without the aid of a sex toy.
We keep the use of these tools sacred by using them in the bonds of marriage to bring a couple closer together and strengthen their eternal relationship.
It would be a good idea to discuss first how you both feel about using
it and any concerns. Practice being open-minded and respectful of each
other's feelings. The gadget can be for you or him or both.
Discuss how you would go about getting what you want. I recommend going
online as opposed to going to a store. If you do go online, look for a
vendor that is tastefully done, (ie. no nudity, profane language, etc...),
tastefully displayed, and won't send you flyers in the mail.
Doing a Google search
for “Christian Sex Toys” will help you find several vendors that have a wide
selection but exclude any nudity or
sexually profane images and will often give a description of what the product
was designed for.
If this brings up
concerns you can't resolve together, a qualified LDS sex therapist is always
ready to help or drop me a line @ samzaragoza@sbcglobal.net. Happy Dating!
It's hard to pick just one idea for a Halloween Date - because there are SO many.
It's a night for the kids, but that doesn't mean there can't be some Mama and Papa time in there too.
All Saints Day Eve is a perfect time for some fantasy and role play in the bedroom - because there are some fun costume ideas all around you and many are very cheap, and many of them are probably only appropriate for a married couple's bedroom anyway.
Wearing them to a costume party would be provocative and profane YES! But, a husband and wife wearing them (in the bedroom) to arouse each other is sacred erotica and a sacred wholesome activity! Reclaim that birthright from the world.
I love the fall. The weather is cooler. Allergens are down, the bugs are starting to go away, and Mother Nature is changing into her most festive gowns. What a great time to get outside and be a part of it together.
Fall also usually means that the leaves are falling in your yard, but oh, what an opportunity!
For this totally free stuck-at-home date night idea, MAKE PILES OF LEAVES AND JUMP IN THEM! A great fall activity
for anyone. If you don’t have a yard of your own borrow the park's
leaves and go make piles there.
In addition, working in the yard together is great exercise and facilitates pleasant conversations. Working up a sweat together also releases endorphins and testosterone into the bloodstream for both sexes. These chemicals are what kick up the mood to engage in more intimate activities. Happy Dating!
You may have heard the stories. I’ve heard several.
For
example, the brother who claims that there is never a reason to take off the
temple garment and all of his children were conceived while wearing them. The
sister who was so unsure about when it was appropriate to take off the garment
that she never took them off and even bathed in them. I also heard one story of
a temple matron who was teaching that the garment must be touching the skin at all
times and nothing should be worn underneath the garment.
The Lord Jesus Christ taught us that we should be living by
the spirit of the law and not do as the Pharisees do with the doctrine by
looking for a letter of the law in every little detail, while ignoring the purpose of the doctrine. (Matthew 23:23-24 )
I believe this also applies to the wearing of our sacred
garments. When it comes to making love to our spouse, I have found nothing that
supports the belief that we should never take them off. What I have found is
instruction that there are times when it can be considered inappropriate to wear them and in following the "spirit of the law" is between the wearer and the Lord.
“Wearing and Caring for the Garment
Church
members who have received the endowment have made a covenant to wear
the garment according to the instructions given in the temple. When
issuing temple recommends, priesthood leaders should read aloud the
First Presidency statement on wearing the garment. [Basically, the statement below. see https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/multimedia/file/first-presidency-temple-recommend-letter.pdf]
It
is a sacred privilege to wear the temple garment. Doing so is an
outward expression of an inner commitment to follow the Savior Jesus
Christ.
The
garment is a reminder of covenants made in the temple. When worn
properly throughout life, it will serve as a protection against
temptation and evil.
The
garment should be worn beneath the outer clothing. It is a matter of
personal preference whether other undergarments are worn beneath the
temple garment.
The
garment should not be removed for activities that can reasonably be
done while wearing the garment. It should not be modified to accommodate
different styles of clothing.
The
garment is sacred and should be treated with respect. Endowed members
should seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit to answer personal questions
about wearing the garment.”
(General Handbook:Temple Ordinances For The Living, 2020 27.3.5)
I was unable to see anything in this
that suggests it is inappropriate to take the garment off while being sexually intimate with
our spouse. For the full connected experience and bonding chemical releases of sexual intimacy to take place, there must be skin to skin contact.[1] This allows ions to be exchanged and chemical receptors to be activated. Always having something between you, I believe, allows a physical and psychological barrier that impedes complete mental, emotional, physical and spiritual connection. In this, I would consider sexual intimacy classified as an "inappropriate" time to wear the garment.
In addition, it is a sacred privilege to wear the garment, but the garment serves as a reminder of the covenant that we make. Therefore, the power is not in the garment, but in the covenant. The garment serves as a reminder of that covenant. (Deut. 10:16; Romans 2:25-29)
Also, within that spirit of the law, by being sexually intimate with our spouse, are we not fulfilling the sacred temple covenants reserved for the highest ordinances in the temple? Sexuality in marriage is holy, it is sacred and marriage is the sacred place for that most holy rite to be exercised.
For
this purpose, I have to put “myth” on the belief that we as married Saints are
not allowed to take the garment off while having sex with our spouse. The only
caveat with this I see is that the garment should be put back on as soon as possible. Because circumstances vary, a spirit - of - the - law provision is built in. We have some flexibility to decide when to put it back on, but also should keep in mind that it has nothing to do with the material garment itself. The garment is only a reminder of the deeper covenant we have made with the Lord.
We wear it and keep it on because we love the Lord and respect the promises contained in our covenants. We keep in mind that those covenants also help enable us to keep the spouse we proclaim to love and want to keep for eternity. It would do our marriage a disservice to focus it all on sexually pleasing our spouse while at the same time ignoring our covenants with God. But, as we say "let the Holy Spirit guide." After a lovemaking session, He's our best gauge of when it's time to put them back on.
The
Church has also posted this video that openly discusses and shows the sacred
temple garment in an effort to also help dispel any myths or concerns outsiders
have about our faith. It is also done in the hopes of dispelling prejudice
toward our faith through education. The video can be seen below or on YouTube.
I
will accept any honest questions, but ask that all be respectful with
addressing this sacred topic. Disrespectful comments will be deleted.
References:
[1] Uvnas-Moberg, Handlin, Petersson,Self-soothing behaviors with particular reference to oxytocin release induced by non-noxious sensory stimulation, NCBI (Jan. 12,2014) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4290532/
HAPPY CONTINUE-THE-COURTSHIP NIGHT!
Okay all you married lovers out there, it's his turn tonight. Here is
your (well it might cost a little to get the meat and supplies) stuck at
home BYHSC date idea.
Fall is in the air and what does fall mean? PIG SKIN! Two great loves of many men is football and really good barbeque. Well, this time - it's barbeque.
Every guy knows that good barbeque takes a
long time - if it's done right, and standing by the smoker can get
pretty lonely. So wives, for this date, help him get the pork together,
he can start up the smoker, break out some chairs and spend some
quality time together while he makes you the best barbecue you've had
all year.
This would be a good time to break out the "365
Questions For Couples", the guitar, or just cuddle in the cool smokey
October air and watch Mother Nature change her gown from green to gold.
Good flexibility can greatly enhance the comfort and pleasure of your marital love making.
Here's your stuck at home, can't get a sitter or because it's too cold outside date idea:
Get a yoga video and do some yoga together. If you already have one,
break it out and take an hour to do it together. If you have never done
it before, be sure to pick up yoga instruction for beginners. I
recommend Rodney Yee's Yoga For Beginners.
Alright all you married lovers out there! Are you ready for another great Continue-The-Courtship night?
Here's your totally free at home date night idea:
This one might be too early to put the kids to bed, but you can put on some entertainment and snacks for them and a baby monitor works great for keeping an eye/ear on them.
Sit on the roof and watch the sunset together. To add some extra fun,
bring your portable radio and play your favorite songs from high school.
Something I noticed in my town that doesn't get much attention paid to it anymore is the local Hobby Shop.
Well...it's always kite flying season, so for today's stuck-at-home date idea, how about making kites
together? Then take them out tomorrow with the kids or grand-kids and
fly them. They also make awesome gifts. All the supplies should be
available at your local hobby shop.
If kites don't suit your
fancy, check out some of the other cheap and cool things they have there
and build something fun together. You're not just building a craft
project, you're building memories that will last an eternity.
One of the cool things about being married: you can make it any way you want it.
I know there are a few months in the year where there are no federal holidays. Why not make up your own? For tonight's date idea, create your own national holiday as husband and wife.
Pick a month in the year to celebrate that day. Plan together what you
want it to be about. It could be National Sock Day, or national
Traditional Marriage Day, or National Pizza Day, National Sleep-In Day,
or Finnish History Day - or whatever ancestral ethnicity you most
identify with, or something to reflect on a significant religious event
like the Second Coming. You decide!
Write down together what
day it will be. Will you take time off? How will it be celebrated? What
kinds of foods will you celebrate with? Will there be costumes?
Decorations? Music? Songs? Special kinds of worship? Gift exchange?
Service project? Plan whatever you want.
Special family traditions are an excellent way to tie you closer together.
Tonight's date idea is courtesy of WWW.Six Sister's Stuff.Com:
BABYSIT FOR A FRIEND
If you have kids, offer to watch a friend's kids while they head out
on a date and then trade them the following weekend. If you don't have
kids, watch some kid movies, play with Play Doh, and eat chicken nuggets
and mac and cheese. Don't have any friends with kids? You could always
try dog-sitting! You'd be surprised how many people would love someone to watch their dog and/take it out for a walk.
For more of their great stay at home date ideas visit the Six Sister's Stuff website:
